A Penny For Your Thoughts
by 123lookatme
Summary: Shinji works at El Dorado, bar/strip joint in the Karakura slums. Running from a terrible past he cant escape while hiding his pain behind smiles, one night he meets Nnoitora. What kind of relationship can a drug addict and a damaged boy create?
1. A Chance Encounter

**Hello everyone, this is my first attempt at a Shinji/Nnoi story. I absolutley fell in love with this couple and i think they deserve a little angsty love just like everybody else. So here is the first chapter of A Penny For Your Thoughts. Read, review and enjoy!**

~~ A Chance Encounter~~

Working night shifts at El Dorado was the worst. Not that I was ungrateful for my job or anything - which had been pretty hard to come by, as crappy as it was- but serving drinks in a dimly light, crowded bar with flashing strobe lights and smelly drunk losers wasn't exactly how I liked to spend my Friday nights. Worse than that was the fact that every guy in the place thought it was cool for them to put their clammy hands on the servers, like me. You name it, they had grabbed it and/or tried to hump it. In fact, if I could get through the night with just a couple smacks to the ass and lewd gestures from the smelly mob, it had been a good day. The other servers bitched more about the low wages and crappy tips from customers but that didn't bother me as much as those _slimy touches_. Over the years, I had prided myself on being able to feel relatively numb towards others; The sort of aloof apathy that allowed me to ignore lewd phrases and the leering stares that came with working at a bar. In fact when I came to Karakura, one of the first things Shunsui, the bar owner, told me to do was hide my immense displeasure for human interaction. The look that I had on my face was "_Cold enough to freeze the tits off a snowman"_ according to him. And since I'd spent most of my childhood trying to 'please' others, it had become second nature for me to adapt to what he wanted; So I trained myself to smile more. Flirty smiles, happy smiles, pouty smiles, I learned them all and wore them like a smooth mask. But at work, the way those creeps looked at me, those drunken leers and their sour breath on my neck made my skin crawl and bring back the kind of filthy memories I'd been trying to push away for years. More than once I had ran from the floor, hyperventilating in the storage room until someone came in to calm me down. So why work in a sleazy bar like this one where I was expected to take on pervy advances? Because at the end of the month, I still had a rent to pay- which I was already two months behind on- I was in danger of being evicted and the bar tips helped me stay afloat.

El Dorado was a hole in the wall place on the corner of 151st street and Wabash Ave in the poorest, dirtiest part of Karakura Town. From the bumbs in the back alley to the hookers on the corner, we were a sleazy bar for a dirty good time. During the day, El Dorado was still a bar but at night it doubled as a strip joint for all the high rollers of the slums with deep pockets and dirty little fantasies. And it was just my luck to be working the floor every night for the rest of this month in the strip club where the real sleaz balls stayed. On the bright side, the guys usually kept their eyes glued to the stage back where there was enough bared skin and topless chicks to keep everyone very entertained but sometimes their attention got diverted to the servers. And who could blame them? Why strain your eyes at a stage where you knew your chances of getting lucky with the dancers was almost nonne, when there was fresh meat walking past you ever five seconds? It didn't help that Shunsui made us wear these tiny little black shorts that cut off about two inches under our butt cheeks and rode so low I was surprised my pubes stayed covered. The tops were no better either: skin tight, white wifebeaters with **El Dorado **printed in thick black letters across the chest. Did I mention they ended right above your navel? There was no doubt in anyone's mind who worked at the bar that we were all on display.

Shunsui made it especially clear on training day that we weren't just selling drinks, we were selling ourselves (sex sells, right?), hence we needed to play up our assets. The smirk he had given me during that little speech didn't go unnoted. After getting mobbed by a bunch of guys asking about the 'hot blonde piece of ass' working behind the counter, Shunsui had been quick to put me on the floor for the rest of the month. Apparently, my chin length blonde hair was such a hit that he had even begun to beg me to consider stripping for him, to which I vehemently said no. Being naked in a roomful of guys who wanted to eat me alive didn't exactly put my nerves at ease nor stop the hyperventilating; and Shunsui would be pissed when I ran off stage half way through my act. A little extra cash would have been great if it was thrown my way since I knew I could work the pole as good as anybody but it wasn't something I bragged about; it made some other servers, like that effeminate brat Luppi a little jealous. Anyway, most nights my customers tended to be overly touchy, gross and absolutely repulsive but always attentive. So imagine my surprise tonight when I find a clean cut, lanky man with shiny long black hair that made my fingers itch to run through it…and he was totally unaware that I had been standing there for five minutes.

"Oi," I hollered over the blaring music so he'd actually look up, which he doesn't. "Oi! Yah buyin a drink o' what, mister? 'Cause this aint no nappin spot."

The man braced himself on his forearms and leaned up, slowly to reveal a strikingly sexy face that made my brain short-circuit. His arms were long and wiry, muscles bunching threateningly underneath his black Metallica t-shirt with long legs that disappeared underneath the table far past where the I could see. Then I noticed his eye, the iris gleaming a hazy violet that probed my body hotly, making me want to dive right in. But strangely enough a white bandanna completely eclipsed the other in a deep sloping sash.

"Yo…Sunshine," he rumbled, deep voice cracking like thunder as his head lolled back onto the booth chair with a thump; but the words barely registered since I was focusing on the way his inky black silk hair fell across his wide shoulders. "Gimme two shots o' tequilla but none o' that frilly shit."

"Shot huh?" I muttered breathily, seriously considering flirting for the first time in this bar without being utterly repulsed by the recipient. "Yah sure yah wanna start out with the hard liquor, big boy?"

"All shots, straight up, no chaser. That's how I roll Sunshine."

"That all you want?"

"That…and a little piece o' mind," he stated, turning his head to the side to look at me so intensely I froze for a moment "but I doubt you got anything like that behind the counter."

Nearly stumbling on my own feet as I backed away and he watched me retreat, I felt something flutter in my chest curiously, making me frown. I didn't like the feeling. Moving quickly to put some distance between us, I put in his order, leaning against the bar for a minute to settle down. My emotions towards men had a three degree spectrum: complete disgust, pleasant tolerance or a means of quick sexual gratification. The last of those feelings was rarely experienced, usually spurred on when I woke up from one of my night terrors that left me breathless, painfully hard, and aching for a release to take my mind off the shameful memories still fluttering in my head. So how was it that I was feeling that familiar burning sensation starting in the pit of my belly right now… Why was I feeling breathless all of a sudden? Shinji Hirako turned the world upside down, shook people up, not the other way around. So why did I feel like he had snatched my breath away? Shuhei slapped the shots down on my tray and I jumped, startled out of my thoughts to wheel around with a smile plastered back on my face like a mask. On the way back -deeply immersed in my shaky feelings- I passed three men two tables down from the tall man, who was now peering at me with a curious tilt of his head, and they began the routine of dirty 'compliments' which I ignored. We locked eyes across the floor and once again I faltered, standing still as his eyes roamed my body like he was inspecting me, looking for something very important. It was the strangest feeling in the world like his fingers were roving under my skin and I felt pulled towards him, my feet moving of there own accord, lips falling open to say something, anything…until someone reached out and grabbed my arm, whipping me around fluidly.

"Hey sugar, how come you aint servin us tonight?" some swine slurred haphazardly, probably trying to sound sexy but just coming across as gross.

"Sorry baby, but I've already got a customer," I said nodding towards the tall man who now raised a brow at the scene and running my fingers down his arm. "A _payin_ customer. Yer gonna have to find someone else fer tonight."

"I'm a payin cuztomer too, so wazz he got that I aint got?"

"I don't know I aint seen all o' yah yet" I teased but put a hand in his chest when he leaned closer "And I aint tryin to tonight. Sorry."

Turning, one of his friends stood, blocking my way. "Who said your fine ass could leave yet? We werent done talking." Moving in, the man's wet tongue grazed my ear as he whispered "I bet you get all the guys askin for you, right? Well we aint that easy to blow off…but yah can sure try." The third one sneered, hand snaking out to sneak up the leg of my shorts. His sour breath coupled with the sudden squeeze to my ass made me snap. The gross touch reminded me of _those nights_ in my childhood, the smell of sweaty man and beer that made me feel like I was drowning in sin. Snatching his arm and twisting it behind his back, a dark look slipped on my face and all three guys froze as I bowed my head low, conscious of the fact that Shunsui would be pissed if he saw me treating customers so harshly.

"Look you drunk assholes, no means no so if yah need a helpin hand, go jerk each other off in the alley. Now chill the fuck out and watch the rest of the show before I snap your arm, okay?" I ended darkly and they all nodded. With a bright smile, I batted my eyelashes and walked off with extra wiggle even though I wanted to puke. "By cuties!"

By the time I finally made it back over to the tall man, he was lounging in his chair, long legs spread obscenely, eyes squinted like the room was too bright but still looking at me and as I reached to put down the tray he snatched up a shot and knocked it back.

"You alright with dudes touchin you like that?" he drawled, slapping a twenty on the table and momentarily distracting me from his hazy eyes, my inner server making me quirk a brow and lean in closer.

"A paying customer is still a customer, even if he don't have any manners," I smiled half heartedly to flirt with him "As long as they're payin, I'm at their service."

"…So does that mean yer fer sale too?"

"Fer a couple more of those," I nodded to the twenty and cocked my hip, letting the strobe lights strike my belly button ring till it sparkled. "I'm whatever you want me to be."

Taking the other shot, he slid over in the booth and gestured for me to sit as he slapped down three more twenties. With a flutter of butterflies in my belly and a moment of apprehension, I put on my sexiest smirk and sat, draping myself over his long legs but surprisingly he pushed me away. "A penny for your thoughts, Sunshine, not your insides."

Eyebrows shooting up, I felt the zing of rejection race up my spine. It was an odd feeling. Usually if I wanted a guy, I got him; if I wasn't interested, I passed by him like a spring breeze, completely uncaring of his intentions. My tongue clucked in irritation and I backed off. "What ever you say, big guy. And it aint Sunshine, the name's Shinji. Hirako Shinji."

"Shinji, Shinji, Shinji…kinda rolls off the tounge ne…"

"That aint the only think I can make roll of mah tongue," I tried again, suddenly anxious to get some sort of reaction out of him. But the bored expression I got in response only reinforced my previous dejection.

"So Shinji," he buzzed staring off into space "how much do you think your soul is worth?"

"Whoa, you the devil o' somethin?"

With a barking laugh he answered "Nah not at all, but I'm sure as hell gonna meet him one day and I wanna know how much _my_ soul is worth before I lose it."

"The way yer talkin, it kinda sounds like you already don't got one…"

"You're one to talk."

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry Sunshine but when I look into your eyes I don't see a lot of soul," he stated with a coolness that pissed me off.

"I think yer smashed outta yer mind."

"Maybe," he quipped then turned to bore me with a soul burning stare than had me pinned to the seat, "But you see your friends over there, the _customers_? Even they got some soul in 'em. I can see it in their beadly little eyes, the tarnished piece of shit they call a soul swimming behind their drunken stares. And they fuckin love that shit, they'd kill for it, sell their mother for it. They got some _emotion_ and every time they look at you Sunshine, they're searching fer somethin in yer eyes that's just as hot, just as precious as they think their souls are. But they aint _really_ lookin at yah o' theyd know aint nothin in there. Those big, pretty hazel eyes o' yers aint windows to yer soul, they're the openin to a bottomless pit that I would hate to fall inta."

As I listened to his words, my hands shook and my body felt oddly cold. His speech struck a cord in me that singed my heart, the accuracy of his statement surprising. Was he really the devil, to see through my fake smiles and forced laughter so easily? I knew how I must look to other people. Beautiful, flirty, a little slutty and always playful. Light hearted even. They didn't need to know the fire that raged underneath my skin late at night, the burning shame that stained my life and I fought so desperately to subdue. Recognition of pain meant pity and I didn't want pity. I didn't want anything in this world but to make it through another day without flinging myself off a cliff 'accidentally.' How could he possibly see so much in me that people I had know for nearly half a year never picked up on? Yet, right after my baffled fear came anger. This jerk was a nobody, another piece of scum off the streets but here he was making me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. The private little bubble I made for myself was air tight; I didn't need anyone in here with me especially if they were uninvited.

"Look mister," I seethed slowly, "I don't know where yah get off talkin to me like this or what the hell you're on right now but if yah think I came here just fer yah to piss me off yah can take yer money and shove it right up yer-"

"Jiruga," he cut me off suddenly.

"What?"

"My name. Nnoitora Jiruga. And I wasn't tryin to piss yah off Sunshine I was just makin a simple observation. Guess I was right though…" he trailed off dazedly. "Its been a while since I've seen that sort o' vacant look on somebody who aint strung out or suicidal. I mostly only see that shit when I look in the mirror."

"…I see," I frowned as I blurted out my next question before I could stop myself. "Which one are you: suicidal or strung out?"

Nnoitora suddenly stood, a wide grin splitting his face that made my insides crinkle heatedly. _Holy shit, hes tall as fuck! What an asshole…an incredibly sexy asshole,_ I thought, checking him out as he sauntered out of the booth and turned to leave. "I guess I'm a little bit o' both Shinji. Just like you."

"Hey I aint no druggie or suicidal yah giant! Clearly yah have no idea what yer talkin about. And by the way yer people skills are fuckin shot!" Like a moth to a flame, I stumbled out of the booth following him to the back exit. Though I was annoyed by his presence, I was intrigued by his disturbingly accurate description of me and wanted to hear more. By the time we reached the door, he had swerved and nearly keeled over three times and needless to say I was a little worried about him. "Dude, yah cant leave like this, yer completely wasted; and yer bandanna's coverin yer eye, fix it!"

"Well yah said it yerself, that tables for drinkin not nappin and I'm shit faced," at my deepening frown he smirked crookedly. "Don't worry cutie. I'm a big boy, I'll get home just fine. Shit, I could probably get their blindfolded and hoped up on angel dust" With that he turned, stumbling out the door and running his fingers along the brick wall like it was the most amazing this he'd ever seen in life. Humming weirdly as he went.

"Nnoitora!" I yelled over the music and traffic outside of El Dorado. "How much _is_ your soul worth then?" Nervously biting my lip, I got the feeling that his answer held the weight of the world on its shoulders.

A sudden frown overcame his face as he glanced back at me and stopped cold. "Che. I'm not really sure I _do_ still have one…my soul's probably blacker than those scum in yer bar. But I know fer sure it aint worth the price of another man's life no more…wish I could trade it back." he growled sadly an walked off without another word.

Standing in that doorway, I felt exhilarated, confused but fearful that he would never come back to El Dorado so I could ask him what he meant; that he would never come back and make me feel as alive as I had tonight, which was more than I had felt in years. _A penny for my thoughts, huh?… Then how much are you gonna pay for warping my entire fucking mind?_ I thought, gripping the doorway tightly before backing back into the swallowing darkness of the barroom floor with a prayer on my lips that we might meet again.

**I really like this story in my head but if no one else is feeling it, i guess this will just be a one shot kinda thing *tearful frown* If enough people want more, i'll put up the next chapter so gimme a heads up if you think i should continue, okay! See you next time! (maybe?) lol**


	2. Early Morning Rendezvous

**Hello everybody! Okay so after i realized i completely butchered this chapter i went back and edited it. Or should i say, i had _somebody else_ edit it for me. Everyone, please say hello to my new and fabulous beta Mistress Penelope! *****super squeal and burst of confetti*=D No one knows how completely honored and stunned i am she would even read this story let alone actually offer to beta. YAY! Anyway, besides the reviews alerting me to my grammar/spelling faux paus, i got soo much positive feed back i am furiously writing the third chapter as we speek. I'd say hope for it sometime early this week. I'm so glad you guys like the story, makes me feel all bubbly inside that it didnt flop pathetically. Oh and to anyone getting Solid Gold vibes from the story so far, pleassee let it be known i wont torture you by trying to rewrite something we already know is perfect. lol. Shinji wont be announcing his sudden urge to professionally pole dance anytime soon okay? I only made him give Nel a show just because...well Shinji is fricken hot on a pole! lol. Personally, i hate when i read stories that are too similar so i will definately spare you the same trama ^_^ Here is the refined and newly polished chapter two: Early Morning Rendezvous.**

~~Early Morning Rendezvous~~

As I had feared, Nnoitra never did come back to El Dorado. Over a week had passed and I was still left hopefully scanning the crowds at the bar trying to find my tall, attractive stranger but he was a no show. A couple of people who I had mustered up the courage to ask about Nnoitra said they'd never even seen him around before. Now it may seem odd that after only one night I was pacing the floors searching for this guy but something about him called out to me. There was this echoing feeling that rang out in my soul every time I thought about him, every time I thought of how he looked at me. That kind of tortured beauty in a man made me foam at the mouth, probably because it reminded me of myself. And it pissed me off to no end.

It annoyed me to admit it but Nnoitra had actually been dead on point in his assessment of my personality. Sometimes I truly did feel like someone had snatched my soul from me long ago, leaving this empty shell of a Shinji to roam the streets of Karakura. Every morning I woke up it felt like I was waiting, biding my time until I died or for something to light a fire that had been blown out for so many years ago. And the nights were even worse; a lot of the time I cried myself to sleep, waking up in cold sweats from another hazy nightmare that had felt so real. So, what in the world did I have to gush about? I lived in the slums, worked at a sleazy bar, and had no real emotional connection to anyone because… they wouldn't ever be able to understand me.

When I came to this city a year ago, I was a complete wreck. There I was with puffy red eyes from crying, blood under my finger nails, bruises all over my body and two minutes away from a complete mental breakdown. That was when Shunsui found me. I was sitting in a bundle outside the bar door when he came out and said with a curious smile: _"Yare, yare! What's a beauty like you doin out here at this time of night? You should head on home, cutie, there are some bad men in this part of town." _Naturally I didn't answer and cried harder, flicking the blood from beneath my fingernails while imagining how much it would hurt to peel the skin off my body with my pocket knife (it was the only way I thought I would ever feel clean again) before I passed out. Then, Shunsui offered me his hand, concern clouding his eyes and said "_How's about you come on in and have cup of sake with me. Looks like you need a shoulder to lean on and…well look at that, my shoulders have got more than enough room for the both of us_."

And the rest is history. He dragged me through the bar to the backroom where Neliel, Shuuhei, Rangiku and Luppi all turned around at the sound of my broken sobs, looking on like I was the saddest thing they'd ever seen in the world. I learned to smile my way through the days so people wouldn't have to see me crack like that again and give me their pity. Most of the time, I didn't want pity or even attention. When I got into those empty moods, I usually just wanted to see the world go up in flames, to watch someone else burn like I was burning up on the inside. See? Nnoitra was right: I was a pretty fucked up kid yet I had thought I hid everything rather well. Hell, I smiled when I was supposed to, flirted when it was expected and did all that other shit normal people do even though my general outlook on life was apathetic at most. So how did Nnoitra see past my mask to the scared little boy crying out in me?

"Pull yerself together, yer freakin' losin' it Shinji," I muttered to myself, wiping a cold hand across my face.

About ten minutes ago I had finished my last shift for the week and was off for the next two days. So now, in the middle of changing out of my uniform, I was standing in just a lime green thong in the staff changing room. Giving myself one more look in the full length mirror in front of me, I blinked away the confusion and doubt lingering in my eyes and stuck on a bored look that quickly turned to annoyance when I felt a sharp slap register across my ass cheek. "Oh, son of a…what the hell was that fer?"

"Ne, ne Shin-chan," Nel squeaked with a big smile from behind me, leaning over my shoulder to pinch my cheeks harshly. One glance told me that she too was half naked in a skimpy hot pink bikini, having just come from her last set on stage for the night. "You were looking too serious again, Shunswy told you about that! What's with all the frowning so early in the morning? You'll make Nel frown too!"

"Oh stuff it Neliel, yah just like spankin' me yah little sadist," I bitched, ignoring her mispronunciation of Shunsui's name and rubbing my sore cheek as I moved to lean against an exposed pipeline. "And what are yah doin' walkin' around like that? One of these day's yer gonna get molested."

Nel pouted thoughtfully, teasing "Ehh…..but you're gay Shin-chan! And I'm not a sadist, you just have the cutest little tooshie ever!"

"Ha, right," I snorted "Maybe I should take Shunsui's offer and start strippin' too, it'd be a shame fer me to keep my 'tooshie' to myself if it's that cute."

She bounced happily, boobs juggling precariously in her flimsy top. "Oh, oh you should do it for real! Then we could do a number together. Come on, Shin-chan, gimme a little dance, ne?"

I laughed for a while then in a spur of the moment idea, gripped the pole behind me to swing around swiftly, tilting my head back and flicking out my tongue at her teasingly so that my tongue ring showed and she squealed in delight. My arms hoisted me up higher, till I pushed off again with my arms only to twirl back down the pole, one leg extended precariously. Since I was having too much fun to stop, I twisted one ankle around the bottom of the pole, the other leg lifting to where my hands gripped the metal, as I pushed off the ground with momentum to me swirl upside down and let go. My legs were spread in an almost split as I curved my higher leg around the pole and flung my arms back, running my fingers through my hair then laughed again, enjoying the heady feeling of dancing in front of her smiling face.

"Happy? Now go put on some clothes before some perv catches yah jiggling all over the place."

She pouted again, turning away. "Aww, I don't get why you won't strip if you've got all that natural talent…it's almost a waste to keep you working the floor."

Before I could retort, there were a few hard claps from the doorway and a low chuckle making me turn my head to the left, seeing Shunsui standing there with a wry smile. "The both of you are right. Shinji is a selfish boy who won't help a poor man's business with his beauty and Nel…put something on to cover all those delectable womanly curves of yours or bad men like me could try and feel you up," he said mockingly, but she just skipped over to him and kissed him on the cheek.

"You're married Shunswy. I know you wouldn't cheat on Isane-san, you love her; and she'd probably poison your sake. Besides, who said I'd let you feel me up?" She giggled, then shrugged into a tight orange baby doll shirt before scampering off to find her pants.

Shunsui just sighed and looked over at me with a mocking fatherly frown. "And as for you Shinji, get off that pole before you break my pipe and flood the whole bar. Being upside down is making you lose circulation to your head and in a thong like that I can see much more of you than I ever hoped to."

Grinning widely at his last statement I tumbled to the floor gracefully and walked over to him as well with a devious glint in my eyes. Usually I'd feel nervous being basically naked in front of a man like this but as Nel said, Shunsui was happily married and quite straight. But just to mess with him, I put an arm around his neck, the other sliding down my chest, over my nipples and belly button ring to play with the waistband of my thong.

"Yah sure yah don't want to get a better look, Kyoraku-sama" I moaned, using his shoulders as leverage to stalk around his body sensually.

"Sorry Shin, but as hot as you are I don't swing that way. You're missing a lovely set of perky tits that I just cant do without," he chuckled, folding his arms. "Now go put on some clothes too before I let all those horny men outside waiting for you back here."

With another giggle and a kiss to the cheek to match Nel's, I pulled away to move over to my locker, tugging on my dark blue skinny jeans, brown leather ankle high booths, a light green t-shirt that clung to my waist, and my fur fringed camel jacket. One more smile at Shunsui and an air kiss to Nel as she wriggled into her jeans and I was headed out the door, though Shunsui was still close on my heels singing the same old song. "Aw, Shinji darling," he begged "Please, just consider taking the job, you'd make so much more money and it would be great for the bar. Guys love you!"

Sighing, I turned to face him at the front door "Thanks but no thanks. Yah know how much it freaks me out to have a bunch o' guys droolin' all over me, I can barely stand it as is when I'm servin' those creeps. If yah need a dancer, get Luppi ta do it, he's practically foamin' at the mouth fer it."

"Ne, but Luppi doesn't have that charisma that you do. Somehow, you manage to leak sex appeal from your pores and let me tell you, they're eating it up out there."

"Sorry, fer now I'm gonna stick to waitin' tables."

"You'll change your mind, my lovely little butterfly, I just know it" he hummed so confidently I had to scoff.

"Yeah, but don't hold yer breath or yah might get a little blue in the face." I taunted before turning around and walking out into the empty streets.

Ahh, the peaceful streets of the Karakura Slums, I thought sarcastically to myself as I rounded the corner from El Dorado. It was around 6:00 am, pink streaks of sunlight trailing across the sky as the last of the drunkards and hung over sinners scampered off to find some hole to sleep in. It was actually kind of funny to watch hookers start wiping their painted grins off their face and lumber home to whatever little crappy apartment was waiting for them and the rest of the mysterious figures slink off into the shadowy alleyways to do God knows what. They were like cockroaches, running blindly with no direction when someone shone a spot light on their wretched lives. Sad part was, I didn't know if I was one of those roaches or not half the time. Seriously, who was I to judge when I was the one scurrying home to my little apartment in the ghetto to tightly draw my curtains, hiding myself from the cruel morning sun so I could drown some more in my sorrows?

My building came into view a few minutes later, the tall crummy structure blending in with the rest of the bleak neighborhood seamlessly. By the time I reached my apartment on the fifth floor, however my stroll had slowed down considerably. I wasn't joking when I said my rent was over due. The landlady was looking for me, and not just for money anymore: she pretty much wanted me gone and there was no better way for her to make that clear than to curse me out personally. Hence, I had to sneak around to get in and out of the house. _Alright, time to be a man. Its just a little old lady. What's she gonna do, annoy you to death with pictures of her grandkids? _Peeking around the corner, I was relieved to see nothing there besides a piece of paper stuck to my front door. It said as much as I thought it would say_: I want my money by tomorrow you skinny little fag. No more playing around. You pay, you stay. If you don't have the money, then start looking for a corner on the street_.

"_Right," _I thought with a sneer "_O' course I have $ 2,600.00 dollars just laying around ta pay her. What prompted landlords ta leave threats like this? If I had the money, don't yah think I would give it ta yah and prevent all this heartache yah bitter ol' bitch?_" I gripped mentally, suddenly not as eager to go inside seeing as how the letter was stabbed through the door with a kitchen knife. Nice, now the bitch had put a hole in my door. Sighing I turned on my heels and decided to treat myself to breakfast since there was no food in my fridge anyway. Hey, if I wasn't going to have a home soon, I might as well be full when I was kicked out.

All the stores were about a ten minute walk away so quickly I veered left in their direction once I got outside. Lost in thought when I passed yet another dark alley, it barely even registered when I saw two men whispering in the shadows. Whatever was going on wasn't my business and it was best to keep on going, which is what I did until I realized one of them was tall. Impossibly tall and through the mumbles I detected a familiar drawl that had me backtracking to do a double take. There, in the shadows, stood a ridiculously skinny man as tall as a bus, with glossy black hair falling down his back in inky rivulets that brought back the same urge for me to run my fingers through it as the last time I had seen them. Nnoitra.

He was wearing washed out torn jeans, a pristinely white t-shirt to match the white bandanna still slung over his eye and a heavy looking black leather jacket that gave him such a rough look. I felt myself stifle a little gasp of shock. He looked…hot. Once again I found myself unnecessarily intrigued by this man who should mean nothing to me. Just as I was about to walk over, I stopped to examine that he was talking to some faceless dude, face completely blotted out by the shadows. Nnoitra pulled out a small baggie filled with what looked like white powder from of his pocket and slipped it off to the other figure with a firm handshake, a flash of green catching my eye before that too disappeared back into his pocket. With an amicable nod from both parties and a smile, the faceless stranger disappeared into the shadows as Nnoitra looked around calmly with a watchful eye. Wow…guess he was serious about the whole 'strung out' thing.

"Well well, fancy seein' yah here Mr. Jiruga," I called down the alley lightly, enjoying the way he swiveled immediately with a deep set frown. For a minute, he eyeballed me harshly then recognition and surprise flashed across his face.

"Sunshine?" He called loudly, teeth baring in a face splitting grin. "Holy shit, what're yah doin in a place like this? Didn't think I'd see yah chillin' in the ghetto o' ever again fer that matter."

Walking forward into the shadows, I planted myself right in front of him and smirked tightly, letting my annoyance seep through. "I could ask yah the same thing. I live around here."

"No shit…guess yah just got off work then," he mused pulling something too big to be a cigarette from his pocket and holding it up to a lighter with a flick of his thumb. "Yah busy?"

"Not a plan in the world," I lied, hoping my stomach wouldn't growl and embarrass me.

"Good, I'm in the mood fer some company. Yah up fer a little mornin' stroll?" he asked and I nodded, brows furrowing slightly at the murmur of excitement that went through me when he put his hand on the small of my back as we entered the street.

"Speakin' o' work, how come yah never came back ta the bar?"

"Why, we're yah lookin' fer me?"

"No," I lied again "Just that I have a tendency to attract nutcases so I thought fer sure yuh'd come back and pester me about mah soul some more. But maybe yah found that closure yah were lookin fer already…"

He snorted, glancing up at the sky as he let out a stream of smoke. "Nah, nothin' like that, that would be a miracle if I did. I've just been busy. I might o' come back one o' these days when shit settled down," he finished simply like everything had been explained, so I nodded, not bothering to press the issue. Whatever had kept him so busy wasn't something he seemed to want to talk about at the moment so I tried again

"So…yer a drug dealer huh? Isn't there some sort o' rule against gettin' high off yer own supply or somethin?" I asked hesitantly, eyeing is 'cigarette' curiously.

"Not all of us can shake our ass fer money, Sunshine. And this ain't my supply, its recreation; I sell worse kinda shit than this stuff."

"Hey, I do not shake mah ass at El Dorado, I'm a freakin' waiter," I griped and in that moment I decided to completely ignore his admittance to selling hardcore narcotics.

"Well yah might as well start dancin' 'cause in those shorts of yers, yer ass is already hangin' out," he laughed, rounding a corner in the direction of a local café I knew.

"Shut the fuck up, I didn't see yah complainin' when I was in 'em. In fact yah looked a little like yah were checkin' me out."

To my embarrassment and annoyance, he threw his head back and laughed even louder, flicking the now burnt out blunt to the sidewalk. "Shit Sunshine, with an ass like that who wouldn't look? Problem is yah cant seem ta stop showin' off. I can see that damn belly button ring and those green little panties o' yers comin' out o' yer jeans right now," Nnoitra chuckled with a taunting look in his eyes, a long finger slipping down my side to snap the green string of my thong against my hip sharply.

Once again, I thought I had the green light and was in my element. I could deal with him if he wanted sex, it was all that other emotional stuff I didn't know how to handle. "That kinda hurt," I grinned, flicking me tongue ring out to lick my lips as I ran a hand up his wiry arms. "Yah wanna get a better look at it?"

He pursed his lips, the same piercing gaze returning to his eyes like that night at the club that tickled underneath my skin. Then, he gently slid my grip from his arm, eyes calculating and said "Maybe some other time Sunshine but not today." The effortless dismissal stung once again and I felt old insecurities bubble up to the surface of my mind. What was it with him? Was I not pretty enough, too skinny, too stupid, too…tainted_? No, that wouldn't be it. He doesn't know that much about you yet, _I thought, quickly banishing the dark images that came to mind of all the reasons why no one should want me. Everyday that I woke up I knew I was filthy but nobody had ever noticed before so what was Nnoitra's problem?

Suddenly I was snapped out of my brooding when he ducked down to gaze into my face watchfully "Yah hungry?" he asked out of the blue.

"U-uh, yeah. Actually that's where I was headin' before yah showed up."

"Good, then lets get some breakfast, my treat. I've got the fuckin munchies."

As he pulled me along closer to the café, I tried to understand exactly what was happening here. Yes, Nnoitra still pissed me off with his intense stares and sly charm but there was something about him that felt comfortable, like I had known him for much longer than one night. Which was why I was letting him pull me through the streets by my hand, a privilege no guy had ever gotten before because I would most likely drop kick them if then dared try. It felt…nice to be around him and there was still this odd magnetic attraction that had nothing to do with sex that made me stay even closer. After tugging free from his crazy strong grip as we entered the café, we sauntered over to an outside area table and seated ourselves just as our waitress arrived. Instantly, I knew she was some dumb bimbo because she kept trying to flirt with Nnoitra but his dismissal of her was even worse than the ones I kept getting from him because he simply pretended she didn't exist. A smile played on my lips at the sour look on the chick's face when he rattled out the orders and looked back at me like I was the most interesting thing in the room. Turning my attention back to Nnoitra, I opened my mouth to comment on his lack of perception and caught him staring at me so intensely I flinched.

"What the fuck is that look fer?"

"…Nothin', I was just wonderin' when yah were gonna stop messin' around and ask me whatever it is yuh've been waitin' ta ask."

Once again, goose bumps crawled up my arm as I felt oddly exposed before him. "And why do yah think I got a question ta ask yah?"

"Well," he smirked arrogantly "Yah did follow me all the way here and I'm practically a stranger, so I'm thinkin' there's gotta be somethin yah want from me. Besides, Sunshine, I can pretty much read yah like an open book; it's like I can feel what yer gonna do before yah do it."

"Stop callin' me Sunshine, damn it!" Half the customers turned around to look at our table because of the loud outburst, but my unease out weighed my shame. Snarling, I continued "That is exactly the problem! Why do yah keep sayin' things like that ta me?"

"Like what?" he drawled, reclining to a slouch as the waiter brought our food only to leave huffily when there was no response to the added cleavage of her tugged down shirt.

"L-l-like…like yah know so much about me! Suddenly appearin' out o' thin air and talkin' about souls and shit in the first five minutes we meet; And that fucked up analogy of me…yah were dead wrong by the way, I got plenty o' soul! "

"I ain't sure who yer tryin' ta convince more: me o' yerself. What does it matter if a drunken stranger in a bar gets the wrong idea about yah? It pissed yah off enough ta track me down and tell me off?"

"Yes," I hissed, then paused in shock. Nnoitra was right. Why the hell did I care so much? Even if his ability to see the deepest parts of my personality was uncannily accurate, it didn't really matter. It wasn't like he was going to go around telling everyone. In fact, I might have never meet him again if I hadn't been so keen on seeing him. There was something I wasn't admitting to myself. I wasn't just annoyed by the knowledge that someone was seeing past my façade; I was annoyed that he didn't want to see even more. "I-I-I mean, no…I-I guess that it's just…I needed to find out…am I really that easy to see through? That transparent?"

Nnoitra looked at me for a long moment, cramming bacon and eggs into his mouth haphazardly as though he'd never eaten before. Then rumbled lowly "Not at all. Hell, I'm still figurin' yah out. Don't get yer panties in a bunch just 'cause I noticed shit that don't nobody else see. It ain't nothin' yah've done really, yer just…special."

"…Really?" Oddly tickled from his confession, I peered up at him with wide eyes, hoping he would say more.

"Yeah. It's hard ta explain but…I mean, that empty look in yer eyes is couldn't o' just come from nowhere, what I wanna know is why it's there and how is it that just by lookin' at yah I feel like I can see into yer mind. Somethin' 'bout those fuckin' eyes o' yers calls out to me Shinji. It's like…I can almost taste yah," he purred, the deep tremors in his voice shooting straight to my groin. "There's this feelin' I just cant shake about yah; it makes me want to see more, what yer really hidin'."

"Well, shit…" I breathed, floored by the explanation. Wasn't that similar to how I felt about him, that there was something much deeper about him calling out to me? Just thinking of him made me feel like lead was dragging my body down but to think he was feeling the same way was mind blowing. "I…I think I feel the same way. About yah. After we meet I just couldn't get yah out mah mind and now…gosh, what the fuck is wrong with us?"

"Shit, who knows? Feelin' fucked up is normal fer me. I'm stoned out of mah mind half the time, what the hell is yer excuse?" He asked so seriously I had to laugh, breaking the tense atmosphere between us.

"Accordin' ta yah, I'm the suicidal one, right? I think depression is as good a reason as any ta be feelin' this confused."

"Yo, correction Sunshine, I said suicidal and strung out."

"I ain't doin no drugs. Never touched any in mah life so I definitely don't got an addition."

Nnoitra coyly replied "I never said it was a drug. I don't know what it is yet but yer addicted to somethin and its got yah by the balls."

"Wise words from a drug dealer," I snipped, uncomfortable with the topic of my weaknesses. "Yah a philosopher now too?"

"Nah, but I've been known ta drop a couple pearls of wisdom."

We ate the rest of our breakfast in contemplative silence as I rethought our conversation. There was no doubt in my mind that there was some sort of crazy, inexplicable attraction between us that went beyond sex. More than anything I just wanted to be near him, to hear him breathe and bask in his presence. Just sitting this close to him again made me feel lightheaded, especially when our knees accidentally brushed underneath the table. The last time I felt this way about a guy was…never. Sex was sex but to actually crave someone as a person was a new feeling all together. I liked him. It was odd to say but I genuinely could see myself with him, which scared me terribly. I didn't do relationships. They were messy, tiring and too many strings attached to everything. It was better to just get what I needed and get out before the sun came up. But Nnoitra was different; I wanted so much more than to lick every inch of his flesh and ride him morning, noon and night. I wanted him to truly want me for me but he seemed to have a very 'hands off' approach about us. Which lead me to my next question.

"The waitress has the hots fer yah, yah know."

"No shit," he grunted.

"Yah noticed?"

"It's hard not to notice a big pair o' tits in yer face every time someone asks yah a question."

"So why didn't yah get 'er number?"

He looked up, sarcasm marring his smooth expression. "I don't know if yah saw but there was a hot blonde sittin' in front o' me and somehow I couldn't manage to look away."

"Okay, Nnoitra," I sighed in exasperation "If yah think I'm so hot I gotta ask, are yah gonna keep turnin' me down o' are yah gonna fuck me?"

The patrons turned around to eye the table again, this time in disgust as he cackled loud enough to wake the dead. "Do yah really want me ta?"

"Well clearly if I'm askin' yah I want yah ta but I get the feelin' I'm barkin' up the wrong tree." Lips pursed, I stuck my nose in the air in annoyance.

"Oh Sunshine, don't get me confused with somebody I ain't 'cause I'd pound yah stupid if yah really wanted it…but somethin tells me yah ain't ready fer all o' that yet."

"What the hell does that even mean? It's a pretty simple choice: either yah wanna fuck me or not."

"It means yer not ready to fuck me o' anybody else fer that matter until yah get some o' that soul back in yer eyes."

"That's creepy as hell, with yah talkin' about souls all the time like the Grim Reaper, just so yah know. And it ain't mah soul I need to get laid, my body does most o' the work."

"True…but as much as I want to bend yah over this table and make yah cum all over yerself, I got a rule against fuckin' empty vessels and yah sweetheart got some o' the emptiest eyes I've ever seen. Sorry Sunshine, better luck next time."

Before I knew what was happening, my body was on its feet, hands planted on the table as the entire café looked on in anticipation like they were waiting for me to lunge over the table and rip out his eyes. "Right, next time….bye Nnoitra. This was nice and all but I got shit ta do and…fer some reason I ain't that hungry no more."

The brutal honesty of his rejection stung like the crack of a whip. There it was, the statement I'd been waiting for and dreading all the same. He didn't think I was good enough. And who was I to argue? Nnoitra was right once again. He deserved better than a heartless roll in the sack, which was just what he'd get from me because I didn't have much else to offer besides my body. There were all kinds of names for me -slut, whore, nympho, promiscuous- but chump wasn't one of them. Shinji Hirako didn't beg for sex from anyone, even if it was a man with the kind of smile that made me want to drop my pants with one glance. Talking to Nnoitra was like walking through a landmine where I never knew if I was safe or in danger of stepping on a topic that would shatter me and when it came to this topic, I wasn't up for the game.

"Yo, Sunshine I ain't tryin' ta insult yah," he called from behind me but I kept walking out of the shop, turning to walk down the deserted street back to my apartment. "It's just that yah've known me fer less than two days and yah wanna fuck already, don't yah have any standards? I hope yah don't do this shit often, now that I think about it…" I bit my tongue and kept walking. "I'm a lot o' things but I ain't a one night fuck and something tells me yah want the sex more than yah want me. Aren't I right, Sunshine, yah feel good havin' another notch on yer headboard, ne?"

"Look, stop following me," I whipped around, ready to tear out his tongue but only slammed into his rock solid chest. My words faltered for a moment before I continued hotly "If yah think I'm such a slut, what the hell was all that shit about somethin' in me callin' out to yah? Yah want ta know me, more about this fuckin' look in mah eyes? Well this is me! Sorry if I ain't virginal enough fer yah but I've had enough of guys makin' me feel like a dirty whore, enough to last a life time so what do you WANT from me?"

"That, right there."

"What the fuck are yah talkin' about?"

Throwing his head back and laughing wildly, Nnoitra gave a whoop of laughter before grabbing me by the arms and tugging me into a corner between a building and an alley, a serious expression suddenly on his face. "That fire. Fer the first time since I met yah I'm seein' somethin' in yer eyes besides hollowness and hate. It's not that I ain't fuckin' yah 'cause I think yer too easy a lay o' some shit like that. Yah feel like yah got somethin' to prove, I don't know if its to yerself o' to somebody else, by fuckin' everythin' that walks. But I'm not gonna help yah make yerself feel like shit 'cause when it's over that's just how yer gonna feel if I do; I like yah too much to use yah. I need to see that fire in yer eyes, that fuckin' passion o' else what's the point? I might as well be bangin' a brick wall."

One hand laid in the middle of his stomach, shakily pressed against his rippling abs as I tried to breath evenly. Most of what he had said hadn't even been processed properly in my mind because I was too busy wondering if it was wrong of me to be frightened by his mood swings but completely turned on at the same time. "Yer completely crazy," I whispered, gazing up into his blazing violet eye while vaguely wondering why he didn't fix that bandanna.

"Am I?" A large palm settled at the base of my spine, pulling us flush against each other as his other arm raised to brace against the wall, effectively blocking me in. "Yah tryin' to tell me yer not gonna try and screw me then bail?"

"Y-yeah. I already told yah, yah don't know nothin' about me. Yah have no clue what I want from yah."

"That's true," he muttered huskily, leaning down as his hair fell making a dark curtain around our faces. "So why don't yah just tell me so we can stop this guessin' game. Tell me right now, straight up, what do yah really want?"

"Nnoi…" I breathed, brows furrowing as he got dangerously close to kissing me. This was new, the lack of control I felt over my body and my partner. Even though having him take the lead was out of my comfort zone, I let him slide his fingers into my hair, massaging the back of my head. "Nnoi, stop it."

"Oh come on, yah said yah wanted ta fuck. Can't take a little teasin'? Look, yer so hard yah can't even answer mah question," His hips flexed, rubbing our erections together and I muffled a cry, biting down on my lip painfully.

"Stop it."

"Is that what yah really want?" Nnoitra husked, lips hovering over mine but when I didn't answer and he leaned in for the kill, I came to my senses, realizing this was getting out of hand.

"Yes!" I cried, pushing him back away from me. "Look, I don't know what's goin' on between us, if I even like yah fer that matter-"

"Like me? If yah wanted ta bang, shouldn't yah know that already?" he cut in but I ignored him, speaking louder.

"So I think that…fer now…maybe we should just be friends."

Nnoi grinned condescendingly, leaning away to fold his arms "Friends?"

"Yeah, friends. Or at least until I figure out if I spend enough time with yah without pissing me off."

"Shit, yah never fail to surprise me Shinji…aight, _friend_. When yah figure out which head yer gonna think with, call me." he said pulling a piece of paper from his pocket and cramming it into my hand. Tearing the thing in half, I scribbled down mine with a pen from my pocket and gave it to him as well. "Bye bye, Sunshine. Yah were right, I got shit ta do. See yah around."

"…Yeah. See yah."

Though we had both said our goodbyes, nobody moved. Nnoitra was still precariously perched in front of me, my back still pressed against the wall. We were staring each other down, trying to see if we could crack the code to this pull we felt between each other but nothing happened. The cool air of Fall picked up, making my mind scream at me to get inside and out of the cold but I didn't want to go before he did. I wanted to stare at him for as long as I could so that even if neither of us called, I could remember his face. Perhaps I had begun shaking like a leaf from the cold or he could see the goose bumps raising on my exposed skin, but Nnoitra quirked a smile, leaning forward to pull my hood over my head, the fur fringe tickling me face, then zipped my jacket up all the way. I smiled too, unable to keep myself from feeling too attached to the affection even though I knew I should. Then his phone rang, breaking out contemplative silence in the alley. He stepped back, keeping my gaze but his attention turned to the call completely at something the caller said and I took that as my leave, as he moved off in the opposite direction, growling at the person before letting out a stream of curses, utterly unaware that I had stopped to watch him go.

**Oookkkaaaayyy! Everybody happy? lol. I'm pretty darn happy myself. When i reread what i posted, i just about died from the sheer wretchedness of it all. The only thing i can learn from that is to not post things at midnight when i'm running on two hours of sleep with a runny nose and a fever that could fry an egg. Clearly the flu impared my vision and prevented me from reading properly so...lets all blame nature for that screw up, ne? DAMN YOU INFLUENZA, DAMN YOU TO HELL! lol. now that thats out of my system, I'd like to take a little time to whore out my other story Lock and Key (a gin/hitsu angst filled love fest). Have you not read it? Well why not? Dont you love me? *tears up* it was my first story ever on so i'm pretty proud of it and it prompted me to keep writing hence the birth of A Penny For Your Thoughts! I like unique couples so...yeah. Speaking of that, a fellow author and friend of mine made a community for Unloved Yaoi Couples of _BLEACH_. The link is on my profile so hop on over there if you want, check it out, join the community and add other unique couples to the community when you read them! Well, its about 3 am and i have alot of running around to do starting at 8am today so...CIAO!**


	3. The Wake Up Call

**Hi everbody! I was furiously writing to get this chapter out after tuning up the second one. I'm proud to say my faboulous beta Mistress Penelope has gotten rid of anything that could offend your eyes grammar/spelling wise, although my story is another thing all together. =/ lol. Anyway, I thought it should be fair warning that as much as I would like to make Nnoi bang Shinji within an inch of his life as soon as possible, thats not the way my muse is going so...I'd give them another chapter before the wild sex begins. Or two. Or three...hey, at least they fool around a little. Thats just as good, right? *crickets chirp wildy* Hmmm, guess not. lol. Recently more than one person has asked me if I would write a specifi kind of fic for them. And i would LOVE to and I will try to...as soon as I get these five or so stories swirling around in my head out of the way so...theres a bit of a waiting list. SORRY GUYS! Dont worry, i'll give everyone a heads up when the polls are open for requests so that EVERYBODY can try and get a story out of me. As much as I want to dive right into them right now, my muse wont let me. lol. I think it'd be kind of fun to do request actually, since I never thought of myself as a oneshot kinda girl. I get very attached to my characters. =D Anywho where is chapter three of A Penny for Your Thoughts: The Wake Up Call.**

**__****WARNING**_**- **_**This first scene you're gonna read is a flashback/dream from Shinji's perspective, so be alert to the fact that some crazy rapist isnt on the prowl in his apartment and he got to him before Nnoi could or something, kay? Enjoy!**

~~ The Wake Up Call~~

"_Come on, my pretty little boy. Why don't you show it to me?"_

"_I-I don't think we sh-should be down here. L-l-lets go back up, ne?"_

_Hot breath fanned across my skin as he tutted slowly, tugging me closer to him by the hem of my shirt. "Shin-channnn," he purred "You're not scared are you?"_

"_N-n-no. But yer actin strange and Mom's gonna be-"_

"_Shhhhhhh. For such a pretty boy, you talk to much. Lets put that mouth of yours to better use Shin-chan."_

_The cold floor of the concrete basement nearly numbed my feet, the tiles grainy and rough. 'Close yer eyes' I commanded myself, 'Just be real quiet…listen yah can hear the crickets outside. I wonder how late it is…' My feet shuffled forward, following the hands that tugged at my shirt in every direction. Behind my closed lids I couldn't see anything but I could **feel** his hands on me. They were big, weathered from his work and his nails pinched into the flesh of my hips painfully. A hand ghosted up my side, stopping to toy with one of my nipples gently as he gave a soft groan of satisfaction, before he leaned in, tongue swiping across my ear. I wanted to cry._

"_Hands above your head Shinji. Yes, just like that. You're a good boy, aren't you?"_

_Dully, I nodded yes, still not opening my eyes. I wanted to please him. I wanted this to be the last time we came into the basement, but I knew it wouldn't be. We would continue to come here every night until he finished what he had started so long ago. 'But I don't know what he wants…what more he wants ta do ta me. I'm so scared.' My shirt was pulled over my head, ruffling my long hair wildly. I itched to run my fingers through it and untangle it but I had been commanded not to move. It was cold. For a minute nothing else happened; but I could feel his eyes roving across my body, taking in every inch of exposed flesh. The stale stanch of beer on his breath mixed with my fear was giving me a heady feeling, like I wanted to faint and scream all at the same time. Something wet trailed down my chest. A tongue._

"_P-please!" I cried softly and tried to wriggle away though I knew it would upset him. "Don't do that, it aint right…it doesn't feel good. Can I go now, please?"_

_The grip on my waist tightened to insane proportions and I winced, crying out again. "Shinji," he scolded darkly "We talked about you being a bad boy and right now you're being very bad. And you know what bad boys get, right?"_

"_Y-yes…I'm sorry."_

"_I know you are. Now," Another swipe at my chest, this time however the tongue dipped into my navel, sloshing around erratically "I want you to look at me." I didn't answer, just gave a tight shake of my head. "Shinji, you're being naughty again."_

"_I don't want ta open mah eyes. I'm…scared ta look."_

"_Open them."_

"_No!" I wailed, ripping myself from his hands and dashing for the steps blindly. _

_Open my eyes? How could I do that? Then it would all be real. Then I couldn't imagine his hands were snakes crawling across my body or that his tongue was a wayward worm sliding across my stomach if I opened my eyes! If I looked, it would all be real; just me and HIM, in the basement at night where no one could see us. I didn't want to believe he was doing this to me. What had I done to deserve this? Just then I stumbled on my short legs and a hand snatched me back by the hair, making me scream. SLAP! The sound registered before the blow. I couldn't feel my face. Then came another one and another one, slamming my face back and forth until I lost count. Had I really been so bad a boy to deserve this? I must have been. I was such bad boy…so dirty._

"_So you like to scream, huh? I told you to be quiet!"_

_Eyes still shut tightly, I cupped my face. "Y-yah pulled mah hair…I didn't mean ta do it. I'm so-"_

"_Shut up! You're gonna learn to listen to me little boy. You like to scream? I'll give you something to scream about, you good for nothing little-"_

"_No! Don't! I'm sorry, please don't hurt me!"_

_The clang of pants hitting the floor was the only reply. 'Keep yer eyes closed, keep yer eyes closed. Its okay, Shinji. We cant cry so… lets pray, okay?' That suddenly sounded like a good idea and my lips fumbled over a prayer. As my shorts were torn off, I barely flinched at the cold air hitting my most private areas. It was just a dream, a very bad dream. Nothing could hurt me in a dream if I said my prayers, right? Then, he spread my legs obscenely and something nudged against my entrance; I prayed harder. _

"_Open your eyes Shinji. Now." The command in his voice left no room for debate and I cried, tears blurring his face as I looked up at him in pain._

"_D-don't hurt me! If yah do…I-I-I'll tell Mamma!" _

_He smiled and gripped my hips tighter. Then there was a blinding pain. I screamed. I was being stabbed, ripped, torn, tortured and humiliated all at the same time. He moved again and I screamed louder, clawing at his chest frantically. Nothing had ever hurt this much before. I must really be a bad boy to deserve this. "Your beautiful," he whispered in my ear, hips slamming into my small body at a frantic rate. "So pretty Shin-chan, I just might eat you alive. Look at all this pretty blonde hair…come on, open those pretty little lips and scream for me. I wanna hear you cry." Pulling out completely, I gave a gasp, thinking it was over before he slammed in again. _

_And I did scream for him. I gave him what he wanted and hollered with all my might, hoping my Momma would come save be. But she didn't. No one did; And a little part of me died. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-"_

"Ahhh! NOOOOOOO!" My throat cracked, body jerking up quickly and my eyes flew open only to be assaulted by a disgustingly perky yellow light streaming through my window. Morning. It was morning, in my apartment in Karakura and…

My eyes flew from corner to corner of my familiar tiny apartment bedroom, searching for that monster from my dreams. _He_ was here, right? He was lurking somewhere in my room waiting to spring out and drag me back, kicking and screaming to Rukongai by my 'pretty blonde hair' so the dream would continue where it left off. So _He_ could touch me all over again. The thought alone made me shiver violently. Which of course was when I realized I couldn't stop shaking. Glancing down, I saw my hands clenched in the sheets, arms quivering from the death grip on the bedding and my entire body was rocking. I could feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins, my heart thudding in my chest loudly. _Well shit, yer a fuckin mess already Shinji and it's only…wait a minute what time is it anyway?_ A glance to my nightstand clock told me it was 7:00 a.m. Saturday morning. At least I had the day off. I sighed, running a hand through my hair, and counted to ten so I could calm down before my heart beat out of my chest. Not that I'd admit it out loud but I had to touch my hair after a dream like that; you know, to make sure it was neat and still short. The minute I left Rukongai I had chopped it all off, lobbing my waist length hair off at the chin and dropping the rest behind me like yesterday's trash. _He_ liked me with hair long. Gave him something to play with when I was sprawled out and crying underneath him. Bastard. I couldn't even enjoy my own hair without thinking of him. Hell, I'd considered dying it black for a little while until I told Shunsui and he'd nearly blown a fuse, complaining it would be a crime for me to 'damage my pretty blonde strands with that toxic sludge and dye it black;' Of course, I was then stalked for about a month by every waiter at El Dorado, like I was on suicide watch or some shit, to make sure I stayed blonde. Freaks.

"I should get up. And eat."

The thought flew out the window right as I said it. Eat what, the lead paint chips falling off my walls? There was no food in my fridge and I wasn't exactly financially stable enough to go buy some. Looks like I'd be eating a breakfast of hard times and woes this morning. Great. Lifting a still trembling hand, I rubbed at my face tiredly. I should go back to sleep, at least then I wouldn't have to worry about being hungry. _Right, and risk havin' 'nother dream like that? No thank yah, I'd rather face the stomach pains._ That was when I realized my hands were wet. Not just my hands but my entire face. Huh. Odd, my body was still shaking too. I couldn't see clearly either; blinking the room into visibility my vision was quickly blurred again. …_Holy shit, am I cryin?_ When had I started crying? In fact, why was I _still_ crying? I didn't feel particularly sad…I felt relatively empty, like I usually did. Grouchy, apathetic, tired of life…but not sad.

Dreaming of him always pissed me off. That bastard ruined my life, ruined me. No matter how hard I cleaned and scrubbed in the shower or how much I prayed I was still dirty. A filthy boy who didn't deserve better than what he got in life. I would hide out in these slums for the rest of my life and fuck anything with legs and a hard cock because what else did I know? That had been my entire childhood, pleasing a sick old man in any way he could think of. I might as well keep up with what I was good at. Without warning, my body curled in on itself and I was crying all over again. This isn't the life I wanted! I had had dreams when I was young. I wanted to be a star, a dancer, a model, a doctor, a lawyer, anything at all! But now I was nothing. I was lower than the dirt on the bottom of a shoe and there was no one for me to turn to, not even my own family. I left them behind when I ditched Rukongai so I was all alone in this world and…nobody would ever love me. I was sill just that bad, dirty little boy in the basement of our small Rukongai shack and nobody wanted a bad little boy. In the midst of my wallowing, I heard an oddly melodic voice singing in the background. In English. It only took me a minute to register that it was my cell phone before I was lunging across the bed to fish through my jeans for them. '_This time maybe, I'll beee, Bulletproofff! This time baby, I'll beeee, Bulletprooffff! This time. I'll be. Bullettprofff!' _By the time I snapped it open, I realized I hadn't checked the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"You sound like shit, Sunshine," a deep voice rumbled.

"…Nnoitra?" Hadn't I just given him my number yesterday? And he actually called? What kind of fucked up morning was this turning out to be…

"Yup," he hummed. I could almost hear the smile in his voice. "The one and only."

"What the hell are yah doin up at 7 o'clock in the mornin on a Saturday?"

"I'm an early riser. Why 're yah awake so early?"

I sighed, sniffling on my tears before falling back onto my pillows. "Bad dreams."

"Oh really? Yah need me ta rock yah back ta sleep?" He laughed richly. That voice of his never failed to send chills down my spine, even when I was half awake and in the middle of beating myself up.

"Fuck off, like I'd even let yah. Besides were _friends_ now, remember? Friends don't rock each other ta sleep."

"Yes they do. I was just offerin' to help chill yah out, yah know, maybe rub yer back till yah fell asleep. Shit, yer mind is in the gutter so early in the mornin' Sunshine…"

"I can rub mah own damn back, thank yah very much." The nerve of this asshole. When I was coming onto him, he shot me down so fast I didn't know what hit me. So what gave him the right to call me, this morning of all mornings, and get me all hot and bothered when he wasn't even going to follow through?

"Yah wake up like this all the time? 'Cause yer kinda bitchy."

"No, I'm only like this when people try ta fuck with mah head first thing in the mornin'. If yer horny, Nnoi, go get laid but don't lead me on if it ain't goin' nowhere."

"Mreoww," he purred, amusement still tinkling in his voice. "Calm down kitty. Sounds like yah need ta get laid yerself, might brighten up that attitude."

"I tried ta but somebody shot me down so the search is still on. Now what do yah want?"

There was a shuffle on the other line like he was moving things around and I heard a deep snort before he answered. "What're yah doin' today?"

"Nothin' in particular," Another snort sounded along with some soft snuffling. "Why?"

"What do yah say ta spendin' some time with me, ne?"

My interest peaked even though I tried not to sound too excited. "Like a date?"

"More like two friends gettin' ta know each other bett- ahh shit…" he sighed, followed by another deep snort.

"Nnoi…'re yah high right now?" I asked hesitantly.

"Why'd yah ask?"

Gritting my teeth, I snapped "Cause it sounds like yer tryin' ta inhale yer fricken phone!"

He just giggled, the snorting sounding again. "Does it bother yah that much?"

For a minute I didn't answer. Did it bother me? Well it wasn't like he was trying to get me high too so I couldn't say he was a negative influence. Yes, it was illegal but so was selling drugs and that didn't bother me in the slightest either. People did what they had to do to get by in life and sometimes it wasn't all done by the books. But could I actually deal with seeing him stoned out of his fucking mind 24/7? Guess I'd never know till I tried so for now, I'd let it slide.

"Not really, no. It's just good ta know what kind o' mindset yer in when I'm dealin' with yah."

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt yah," he said in a suddenly serious voice. "If that's what yer worried about."

"That's part o' it. That, and the fact that yer killin' thousands o' brain cells every time yah take some o' that crap," I said offhandedly, like I didn't really care.

He laughed at me anyway. "Thanks mom, I'll keep that in mind next time I'm tryin ta get so high I black out."

"Yah don't really do that, do yah?"

He laughed again, "What's yer address?"

"105-23 Hana Road, apartment six. Why?"

"Cause I'm comin' ta pick yah up around 12, midday."

"And why can't I come pick _yah_ up at _yer_ apartment?"

"Cause there's a 95% chance yah'd get hit on and/or molested along the way."

"I don't exactly live in a nice neighborhood either," I reasoned, a little miffed he thought I couldn't take care of myself.

"True," he hummed before laughing quietly. "But then again, I highly doubt anybody would try and molest me."

"Yuh'd be surprised. And I can handle myself, yah don't have ta protect me."

"That's true…but I want to. Somethin' about those eyes o' yers makes me wanna shelter yah from the world and kiss away any fears yah got. I wanna keep yah safe and pure, just the way yah are."

Silence rang down the line. I wasn't sure how to respond to that. He was wrong, oh so wrong, if he thought I was pure and part of me wanted to warn him that he was being tricked, that he was stupid for thinking I was anything but a whore; but something softer inside of me made me bite my tongue. "Yer crazy Nnoi, completely out o' yer mind," I whispered.

"Just fer yah," he muttered back, "…See yah at twelve Sunshine. Oh, and try ta get some sleep fer real, yah really do sound like shit." And with that, he hung up.

Once again I was left speechless, confused and absolutely intoxicated by his words. In a daze I got up, moving around through reflex to pick up my stuff and head for the shower. I needed to calm down and right now a scalding hot shower would definitely help. What was wrong with that man? One minute he was teasing me and high as a kite, the next he was saying things no man had ever said to me before and making me melt. It almost felt like he was trying to tell me something, like some sort of hidden message was planted in his words and he was waiting for me to pick up on it.

Scrubbing myself down mindlessly, I thought of all the different reasons he could have for messing with my head like this. There was the chance that it was all part of some elaborate plan to get me into bed…no that wasn't it. What guy would go through all that trouble when I was basically trying to give it to him for free? He could just be building me up to break me back down again, but there was really no point in doing all that since he didn't have any sort of grudge against me that I knew of. Maybe he just got off on seeing young boys break apart? _Nah, stop being crazy that's not it either_. Perhaps Nnoitra was the crazy one and I was simply one more boy in a long line of many that he had come across that caught his attention before he ditched them. That could be it. _Or, how about this you nutcase. Maybe, just maybe, he actually likes you._ Now that was far fetched. Me? The idea that anybody could actually want a dirty boy like me was laughable at best and completely impossible. I would just have to see where all of this was going, but keep my heart steeled for disappointment. By the time my shower was done, I was feeling a little drowsy so I padded back to my bedroom, slipping into an over sized shirt and the first pair of underwear my fingers touched before falling into bed. '_Nnoi…Nnoitra Jiruga. Yer definitely gonna be the death o' me'_ was my last thought before I drifted off to sleep and this time, it was a peaceful one.

~l~

Somewhere in the midst of a deep sleep where I was spread out on a bed somewhere and Nnoitra was leaning over me with his tongue down my throat, I heard a loud banging on my door. At first, I was sorely tempted to ignore it but when it reached to a height where I'm sure even my neighbors could hear, I sat up with a snarl. _Whoever is at that door better have a goddamn good reason fer wakin me up just when things were getting' good. If its that little old landlady again I swear I'm gonna punch her in the face!_ Stomping to the door, I flung it open, a deep set scowl on my face expecting to see a wrinkled bitter old hag demanding money from me.

"Look, I ain't got yer money so stop bangin' on mah fuckin doo-" mid tirade I realized I wasn't talking to a face but to someone's stomach. A very nice stomach at that with rippling abs underneath a close fitting red shirt with a white skull on it and heavy leather jacket. I looked up. Way up, to see a grinning face that I knew so well by now.

"Yo…yah kiss yer mother with that mouth?" Nnoitra grinned, leaning up against the frame of my door.

I blinked owlishly as the words registered. "…Yah…wait a minute. What are you doin' here?"

"I came to pick yah up. Don't tell me yah fergot."

"O' course I didn't….. but yer early!"

"Wrong. I'm late. Its 12:30."

Swinging my head over my shoulder to check the clock over my couch, I gasped. He was right, I'd over slept. "Well shit…"

"When I told yah ta get some sleep I didn't mean the whole mornin'," He muttered, already sliding his way into the apartment, much to my annoyance. "Nice pajamas by the way."

Looking down I realized my oversized shirt had about three holes and more than one stain. I blushed. The first time he saw me half naked, it shouldn't have been in rags damn it!

"Shut up! They're comfy, okay? And who invited yah into mah apartment?" I growled as he made himself comfortable, touching everything his eyes landed on.

"I did. It's not like yah weren't gonna do it anyway, so I thought I might as well just come in. Now go get dressed, we're wastin' time."

With a sigh, I closed the door and moved towards my bedroom. "Didn't know we had a schedule ta keep."

"Well we do, so get movin'."

Although I knew it was all in jest, the bossing around was getting a little under my skin. The only man I let boss me around was…well, my boss. I wasn't really used to guys telling me what to do. When I left home, I'd made sure _I_ was the boss of me and that nobody else could ever control me again. Hence, my lack of friends. Besides Neliel and Shuuhei, I didn't really talk to too many people. It wasn't worth the effort to put up with extra bullshit from people that didn't mean much to me anyway. But Nel and Shuuhei were different; their personalities were tolerable and they were so much fun to be around, how could I not like them? All that aside, Nnoitra was definitely the kind of guy I tried to avoid. Pushy, rude, authoritative, devastatingly sexy and way too self aware for my liking. My dates should be half drunk and horny; they were much easier to deal with when they were thinking with a head much further south of their shoulders. So why did I like Nnoitra again? _Because…he's freakin' __hot. And disturbingly insightful. _Ah, yes, I'd nearly forgotten.

Pulling my shirt up at the foot of my bed, I turned around to close the bedroom door when I noticed I was being watched. There Nnoitra was, standing in the doorway, hands braced on either side. His mouth looked like he was in the middle of saying something but now his eye was riveted on me. It took on that burning violet gaze again, like he was trying to see right through me but this time, instead of feeling uneasy I was completely turned on. _He's watchin' me. And not in that disgustin' drunken leer kind o' way…he looks so taken like I'm a work of art o' somethin'. What could be so interestin' about me? _Instead of hyperventilating and slamming the door shut like I should have, I held his stare with my own and pulled the shirt off my body the rest of the way. Almost instantly his eyes slid down my body sensually, snapping to rest on my underwear: dark red boy shorts. Besides that and my bellybutton ring, I was as naked as the day I was born. In my head I questioned my own sanity and why I was reacting this way to him. This should be scaring me, bringing back vivid memories of those cold nights in the basement of that little Rukongai shack-better known as hell. Before I had another thought, however, my feet were moving me across the room until I was standing less than a couple inches away from him and I was looking into his eyes. _I think I'll mess with his head fer a change, ne? Why should he get ta have all the fun? I know he wants me so let's see how much patience he's got._

Nearly shaking with anticipation, I slid even closer. "We match." I murmured, lightly pulling on his shirt until our chests bumped briefly. "Yah like 'em?"

"What's not ta like? Although I kinda do miss yer green ones." Annoyance tugged at my ego. Was he really going to stand there and pretend he didn't want me at all? He hadn't moved a muscle, body tensing the closer I got; he was holding back.

"Yah never told me there was a dress code fer hangin' out with yah, Nnoi."

Nnoitra smirked tensely, clearly still trying to play it cool. "Don't tell me that's all yah plan on wearin'?"

_Control freak. Just give in!_ Slipping my arms onto his shoulders, I tried not to get lost in his smell. It was musky and rough, something completely masculine that made me want to just curl up and cry at its intensity. " 'Re yah crazy? It's a little cold fer just this, ain't it? Besides, I might get molested fer real if I walked around like this."

"True," There was a pause. Then, I could almost hear the sweet sound of his resolve crack, hands tickling up my sides in a feathery brush. _Yes! I've got him right where I want him!_ "But what makes yah think yah won't get molested right now?"

"'Cause," I purred, skimming my body against him again. "We're _friends_. Yah said it yerself, yah don't wanna fuck me so…looks like all this is off limits." A face cracking smile tore across my face before I stepped back to gloat at him, door in hand. "Isn't that right, Nnoi?"

I was pleased to see him frown. "Yer not gonna let me watch?"

"Watch what, me changin'? Sorry, I reserve free strip shows fer people I'm sleepin' with, not friends."

"I ain't the one that wanted to be friends Shinji, _yah_ are," the violet eye darkened drastically along with his scowl.

"Well yah can't have it both ways. Yah said yah didn't wanna sleep with me so we ain't gonna fuck whenever _yer_ in the mood fer it. We're friends now, got it?"

"I never said I didn't wanna fuck yah _at all_, I said yah weren't ready fer it. There's a big difference."

"Well," I sneered in a mocking smile. "Looks like yer gonna have ta wait till I _am_ ready, ne? 'Re yah the judge o' when exactly it is that we get ta bang too o' do I get a say this time?"

Silence. "Not sure. Yah ready ta stop hidin' behind yer fake ass smiles yet, o' do I gotta keep pretendin' I don't notice how fucked up yah are?"

Slightly shocked, I did just as he said and dragged up another smiling face. I didn't know what else too do, he was being disturbingly insightful again and frankly I wasn't ready to deal with that yet. Plus, I didn't have an answer to his biting question. "I'll be ready in a minute. Make yerself at home but don't break anything, ne?" With that I turned around, kicking the door shut with my foot. "And stop lookin' at mah ass!"

"Then stop showin' it ta me!" Nnoitra called back through the door.

As I dressed quickly, I wasn't sure if I was as annoyed as I was turned on. No doubt about it, the jerk was cute. But where did he get off trying to yank me around? First he didn't want me now he did. He didn't want to fuck me now he does. Or at least fool around. But there isn't that kind of middle ground with me. Either Nnoitra stayed a friend who I could keep at arms length while trying to figure him out or he was gonna fuck me six ways from Sunday and get the hell out. That's all there is too it. Nobody ever stuck around afterwards and he would be no different. And I didn't need him to be. He was just some sort of weird psychological itch I needed to scratch and get out of my system before it pestered me to death. It would be best to not start getting too attached - and I couldn't lie to myself, I already had begun to do just that. _Damn it he's sneaky! He knows what he's doing, being all broodin' and sexy like that. No good motherfu-…just what does he want from me? Why am I even encouragin' this? _Because I wanted to know more. No matter how much my gut instincts told me to forget about him, push him away before he got too close, I knew it was already too late. Nnoitra was like an infection that had crawled underneath my skin and now I had to know just what it was he'd poisoned me with. I couldn't stop thinking about every little thing about him; His eyes, his lips his voice, his hands, that tongue…Nnoitra was put together so beautifully that I couldn't seem to look away. And more and more, I was realizing I didn't want to. _What the hell have I gotten myself into?_

Ten minutes and a couple of deep breaths later I stalked out of my room ready for war only to find Nnoitra sitting leisurely on my couch, legs sprawled in completely opposite directions, with his eyes closed. He looked so…calm and handsome like that, I nearly forgot I was at war with the enemy. Moving to the edge of the couch I coughed loudly, making him peek up at me.

"Yah ready ta go o' are yah gonna sleep on mah couch all day?"

"Psh," he huffed, standing to tower over me with a smirk and ruffle my hair, much ta my dismay. "Chill out Sunshine, that lumpy piece o' crap wasn't good enough to fall asleep on anyway."

After cursing loudly while quickly fixing my hair, we were out the door. Of course, before I left, I noticed there was a new note on my door; actually it was more of an etching along the lines of '_Get the hell out!'_ but what did it matter? Clearly, the old hag was dumber than I thought if she would carve up her own door. Wasn't my problem that the poor sap who'd be living there next would have a nice greeting for any guest carved in the door and that hole from her kitchen knife. Currently I was more worried over where I was going to stay when this all blew over.

Over the course of the next four hours, I'm pretty sure we walked every corner of Karakura, just talking, laughing and being genuinely friendly, which completely threw me off because we were both giving off some very flirty vibes. The conversation was relatively mild but every so often he'd grab my hand or make some sly sexual reference; to which of course I'd be forced to quip back and I never gave up a free excuse to touch him. It was basicly high school level flirting, something generally not my style. All these subtleties were tiring when I knew what we both wanted but for now, I decided to play along. The only thing that didn't fit into his aloof exterior was that eye of his. Nnoitra kept throwing me these searing sidelong glances that I didn't always catch but I could feel them. From my head to my toes, he was always watching me like he was waiting for me to do something and that would be his green light to make whatever moves it was that he was planning. It freaked me out a little bit. The fragile Shinji in me that I kept locked up was rattling in his boots, begging me to make him stop looking at us like that. We knew that look; it was lust, longing, some deliciously sinful emotion that never seemed to bode well for us with men of Nnoitra's caliber.

I'd fallen for one or two of them before when I first came to Karakura. Men that exuberated power attracted me like a moth to a flame, it reminded me of _Him_ back in Rukongai. Even though I didn't know it at the time, I was subconsciously searching for somebody just like _Him_ to mold me; to tell me what to do so I wouldn't have to do all the thinking. But that only lead me to two discoveries: the realization that the kind of 'power' I was looking for could only be found in bad boys and that bad boys never played nice. They didn't give me the magical relationship I was looking for where they told me what to do but still let me feel like I was in control of everything. No, it was their way or the highway and I was usually left crying, angry and more depressed than I was when I started the relationship. So, it was around the third boyfriend in my first few months in Karakura that I realized I couldn't do relationships. It was too much trouble. But if that heady feeling of being dominated lasted only one night, I could still be my own man in the morning without having the same obnoxious bastard breathing down my neck 24/7. Hence, I learned to smile like my life depended on it and to never ever get too involved with a guy. Especially not a guy like Nnoitra. Which was why we had to stay friends.

Eventually we wound up in Karakura park, in the middle of the town were it didn't matter if we were poor or not because everybody was moving at such a fast pace that they didn't have time to stop and stare at the local wildlife. It didn't bother me too much when people stared at my accent or classless behavior. I was from Rukongai where everybody was poor and shame was abandoned at a very young age. As far as I was concerned, those pretentious bastards could stare till their eyes dropped out of their heads. Anyway, since the impromptu picnic consisted of our half eaten lunch and no blanket, we were laying in the sun next to an oak tree; Nnoitra on his side facing me and I on my back with my arms behind my head. For the moment, there was no silent war, awkward emotions or even underhanded flirting techniques. Our lunches had been abandoned somewhere beside us half an hour ago and were chattering away. It felt good to laugh and I had gotten so comfortable in the setting that I forgot -once again- to stay alert around him and spoke carelessly.

"So…tell me why yah came to Karakura. Back at the bar, everybody said they'd never seen yah before so I'm guessin' yer not from around here," I threw out at him from the top of my head, fingers raking through the grass.

From the corner of my eye, he visibly tensed. "Well yah asked stupid people. I _am_ from Karakura, I just left fer a year and now…I'm back to…set some things straight."

I looked over at the ominous inflection in his voice. "Yah left fer a year? Why?"

"Next question."

"I don't think so!" I turned till my head rested in my hands, facing him. "Come on, what'd yah do, knock over a bank?"

"Nah… nothin' like that. It was personal." Apparently Nnoitra thought that answered everything because he said nothing more.

"…Oh come on, Mr. High and Mighty, don't chicken out on me now! Yer always pesterin' me about my soul and what's got me so suicidal, blah blah blah! So I think its time yah shed a little light on the life o' Nnoitra Jiruga."

"Yer forgettin' to mention yer hidden addiction part too."

"Stop changin' the subject and answer me."

"Yah really wanna know?"

"I wouldn't be askin' if I didn't."

He sighed, closing his eye. "It's pretty stupid. Mah boss sent me away fer a little while. He said it was fer 'recuperation,' o' some shit like that."

"Wait…do drug dealers even have bosses? And he gave yah a year long break fer recuperation? Shit, I wanna work fer this guy."

Before the words finished leaving my mouth he was snapping back "No, yah don't! Workin' fer a guy like that sounds all nice and cozy but the shit yah gotta do fer him gets ta yah after a while. I ain't… I ain't no small time drug dealer. I used to work fer this really powerful guy. I was like one o' his top men and shit. But," Nnoitra glanced up at me like a thought just occurred to him. "Yer the first person I've ever told this too."

I smirked. "I'm honored. Yah know I won't rat yah out o' anythin', right? I mean, I don't really give a shit about yer job as long as it doesn't start fuckin' up my life more than it already is." For a minute he just looked at me, like he was trying to read if I was really okay with all of this. _God, he thinks he's gonna scare me away._ I rolled my eyes and nudged him with my knee to continue. "Drop the concerned parent act and finish yer story."

Frowning, he continued slowly. "I was workin' fer him fer about five years and everythin' was good…but he stared askin' us to do some crazy shit. People were getting killed and there were gang wars left and right…long story short I fucked up on a mission and it really messed with mah mind. I started actin' out and I couldn't do mah job right, spending mah days piss drunk and so stoned I could barely see straight. So he told me to pack mah shit and get the hell out. It wasn't anythin' permanent 'cause apparently I'm an asset to the company o' somethin' like that. He gave me a years paid break and told me to clean mah self up by the time I came back o' there wouldn't be a next chance. And here I am now."

"So…yer back to work fer yer mysterious drug lord king pin, who gave yah a years paid leave…but yer slinkin' around in the Ghetto 'cause…?" I trailed off. Nnoitra's whole story made sense, as disturbing as it was, but if he was buddy-buddy with the boss of his entire drug operation, why was he hanging out in the slums of Karakura and selling dope like any common drug dealer?

"Tyin' up lose ends," When I opened my mouth to ask for more of an explanation, Nnoitra cut me off tightly "And that's all yer gonna get outta me."

The hardened look I his eyes told me not to press my luck so I let the topic drop. Clearly there was something important he thought he had to do and it needed to be hush-hush. My overly active curiosity was burning to find out more but I decided to wait. There was no need for me to keep pestering him and end up pissing him off for good. Mentally grasping for something else, I remembered something that I had been meaning to ask Nnoitra for a while.

"Hey Nnoi, remember that night we first met at the club?" A nod of recognition told me to continue. "Well, right when yah were leavin' yah said somethin and I've been wonderin'…if yah really meant it: do yah truly think…yer soul ain't worth the life of another man's?"

I'm not sure what reaction I expected but the closed off expression on his face certainly was a shock. One thing I thought I could always count on Nnoitra for was honesty; after all he constantly seemed to think he was entitled to pry into my business, demanding that I be completely open with him. But right now Nnoitra looked like he was trying to throw up a brick wall and I didn't like it one bit. It reminded me too much of myself. "Mah soul ain't worth _shit_," he growled, surprising me again with the hateful passion in his voice. "Hell, I ain't worth much neither. I am probably one o' the most wretched people on this earth and no matter how many years o' vacation I take, nothin's gonna change that. I done things that make me cringe ta just think about; when look back at, I was so young and stupid and I think '_How the hell could I o' done that ta somebody? Where was mah conscience?_' But none o' that matters anymore. I can't change what happened in the past but I can change mah future. And maybe, one day whatever God there is out there will fergive me and make me whole again. Fer now, though, I got some repentin' ta do. But I just…wish I could redo some o' the things I done wrong…yah know?"

Blinking stupidly, I fumbled for a valid response. "Y-yeah.…That was…deep." I wasn't exactly sure what to say. Sometimes, being around Nnoitra made me feel really shallow and ignorant. While I was wallowing in my self-hatred, holding the world and nearly every body in it in contempt and swearing to hold that grudge for all time, here was this man who spoke as though he had found the answers to the universe. No matter how rugged and misguided he seemed, there was something about Nnoitra that was unmistakable vibrant and it made me want to bask in his presence. "Yer wrong though," I sighed making Nnoitra peer at me curiously.

"Whadya mean?"

"Yah say yer such a horrible, despicable person but the way yah talk…its like yer fricken Buddah o' somethin'. Yah know how many people would kill ta be able ta think with as much clarity as yah do? The fact alone that yah can admit ta what yuh've done wrong is amazin', not ta mention yer actually sorry fer it; But I think…maybe yah need to just fergive yerself fer whatever it is yuh've done 'cause its gettin' in the way o' yah movin' on with yer life. Yah've got so much to offer…I think its time ta let go."

The calculating look on his face intensified by 100x as he scrutinized me. It made me feel a little on edge but I forced myself to stare back this time, lancing him with my best attempt at the same gaze. In return I was rewarded with a smile that made my hear flutter like the fall time leaves. "Surprise, surprise… seems like yah can be pretty damn deep yerself Sunshine."

Blushing for the first time in years, I ducked my gaze "Shut up, I ain't philosophizin', I was just bein' honest."

"Hmmm," he rumbled, inching himself so close I could almost taste him. Glancing up, I was snared in another intense look. "But what about yah Shinji. I think yah got the same problem as me. Yer ashamed o' somethin'. I can just feel it in mah bones and I know its drivin' yah crazy. When are _yah_ gonna let go of the past?"

There was an uneasy silence. "It's not that simple. Sometimes, the past won't let go o' yah no matter how much time o' how many miles yah put between yah. I ain't enlightened like yah Nnoi and I don't feel remorse fer a lot o' things I done but… I know fer sure that there ain't gonna be no fergiveness fer me," I smiled wryly, looking at him again. "There's some things yah just can't save and…I think mah soul is one o' them."

Seconds passed as we stared at each other in awe for the millionth time since we'd met. I could tell Nnoitra was still looking for something in me that wasn't there and probably never had been; yet I was still trying to figure out just what it was he had to offer. But just as Nnoitra opened his moth to retort with a frown, my phone went off, shocking us out of the little cocoon world we had created for ourselves and making me jump. _Shit, whose callin' me now?…Shunsui? What does that ol' perv want now?_

"Yo, whats up?…Aw come on, its mah day off!" I whined, feeling a headache coming on the more Shunsui talked. How very like him to ruin my day off "…Make Luppi do it, he knows how ta make basic drinks and- no, those drunks 're just gonna knock back beers and vodka, no one wants anythin' special like that!…Fine. I said FINE, I'M COMMIN IN! Yah better pay me overtime fer this!" With a flip of my hair I snapped the phone shut and began gathering all my stuff quickly.

"What's up?" Nnoitra drawled, sitting up as well.

"Mah friend Shuuhei is sick so I gotta work the bar tonight. I hate takin' extra shifts," I growled, squirming to my feet with an impatient flair. Nnoitra just laughed, ruffling my hair for the second time today. "Hey, stop that! Yer not the only one that likes ta have their hair lookin' all shiny and nice yah know!"

"Be quiet and stop yer bitchin'. I better get goin' too, I got some things ta take care o'. But if yah keep complainin' its gonna give me a migraine and fuck up the rest o' mah day," Suddenly a devious grin stretched across Nnoitra's face. "Besides, yah turn all kinds o' red whenever I touch yah so I know yah like it."

"No I do not!" I yelled indignantly as he turned and started walking away. "Yah conceited jerk as if anybody would want yah ta touch 'em with yer slimy paws!"

"Ne, ne say whatever yah want _friend_, but I know yah do. Mah lil' Sunshine gets all worked up o'er me. How cute," he mocked relentlessly as I trudged to his side quickly.

"Fuck off! I don't even know why I hang out with yah if yer just gonna annoy the shit outta me."

"Cause yah like me, even if yer too scared ta admit it."

"As if. Just cause I'd fuck yah doesn't mean I actually like yah as a pers-" My rant was cut off as he suddenly stopped in his tracks and ducked his head, brining our lips crashing into each other violently. However, it wasn't so much the fact that he had kissed me as it was the sudden swell of arousal I felt that shocked me. For the first time his lips were on mine and I was…absolutely in love with the feeling. Too lost in the haze of what was happening, my eyes nearly fell out of my head when he pulled me closer, nipping lightly at my lips. Suddenly one large hand wound up grazing my ass and I gasped, giving Nnoitra free range to slip his tongue in my mouth, which made me swoon all the more. Nnoitra's tongue was long and hot, running languidly along the ridges of my mouth with expertise that made me wonder just where else it could work its magic. The images I pulled up shot straight to my groin and I couldn't help the small groan that escaped me. Before I knew what I was doing, my fingers were fisted in his hair, forcing our mouths together in a painful embrace that brought him so close we must have looked like Siamese Twins. The constant kneading of my ass in his hot palms wasn't helping my self control much either. As the kiss stretched on, I could feel him grin into the kiss and I melted with a slight whimper when he finally pulled away just as suddenly as the kiss began.

"Fer someone yah don't like, yah sure did kiss me with a lot o' passion. Makes me wonder if yah kiss all the guys yah '_just wanna fuck'_ like that," he mused out loud with a mocking smile but I couldn't retort. I was still standing there with my mouth agape, looking at him with all kinds of confusion and lust. Nnoitra just smiled and leaned in to peck me again then turned away. "Later Sunshine, call me when yer done mixin' drinks fer those drunken pervs."

As he moved further and further away, my senses trickled back to me slowly, and I could feel my anger begin to set in. This was not how I had planned for things to happen. _How dare he publicly molest me like that? Wh-what in the world would make him think that I would just…let him get away with doing whatever he wants? He is such a-a-a…JERK! _

"Damn it Nnoi, don't do that!" I screeched, making several people turn to look on in horror at my seething form. "We're _friends_ yah giant asshole, try an remember that! What kinda friend does _that_ ta somebody, huh? And fer the record, if yah think I'm gonna call yah after a stunt like that, yah can just-just…go fuck yerself!" But by then all I saw was a flutter of black hair as he rounded the corner and his laughter floated back to me on the fall breeze in a deep timber that made me want to pull the hair out of my head.

He thought he was so cool and sexy, fucking with my mind like this! Well I'd show him, two could play at this game. He had no clue who he was messing with; after all I was Shinji Hirako and who was better at flirting than I was? Before all this was all over I would make him beg for it, plead for me to let him even touch me for a second and when he was at the end of his rope I would make him wish he'd never met me cause from then on, _I'd_ be the only thing he was addicted to.

**T_T I wanna make them do it soooo much! Why muse, why are you doing this to me! *evil cackle and crack of whip* Damn bitch. But arent those two so cute? I just wanna give Shinji a big wet kiss, hes so cute! lol. Sidenote: I have a thing with underwear. I'm in love with looking at them, buying them, wearing them...so of course who better to work out my fetish on than Shinji with his smokin hot bod? My favorites are boy shorts. Have any undies in particular you wanna see him in? Then tell me! IDK i thought i should share the underwear fun with others. lol. Did you like the chapter? Did you hate it? Review and tell me that too or I'll never know and we could all end up with a disaster like chapter two again and then I'd have to go hide in a hole forever. And that would be such a shame. Next chapter should be out by maybe next friday/ saturday hopefully. I like consistant updates. Bye Bye till next time! (btw try thinking and talking like Shinji and Nnoi for a couple days. It messes with your vocabulary/grammar [i.e. saying 'Ne, ne', cutting off word endings and all that jazz. Alot of people think I went crazy over the summer.] Lol)**


	4. For Just One Night

**Hello lovelies! I'm sorry I havent updated in forever but dont worry, I havent abandoned the story. I know exactly where everything's going. Now if only i could find the time to do it. Smh. Anyway, please bear with me and dont stop reading or checking for updates. This is one story that shall not be incomplete or forgotten. So read, review but mostly, enjoy cause besides writing for my own fun, I do it for you guys =D. Ciao.**

Sometimes I found it completely believable that God hated me and was doing everything in his power to make sure I didn't enjoy even one second of my miserable life. Here I was in El Dorado at 1:30 in the morning, slamming back shots by the bar across from Nel, wishing that I had never been born because I had finally reached my all-time low. I was officially homeless. After dragging myself home at some ungodly hour this morning from working a late shift at El Dorado, I found myself staring at a haphazard pile of everything I had to my name stacked outside the door of my boarded up apartment. Though I didn't own much, it was still nerve wracking to see every book, shirt, clock and appliance I had crammed into as few boxes as possible and chucked into a corner like trash. It made me feel like I was trash. Was my life really that easy to be discarded? Could I truly be thrown away that easily?

For a minute I didn't do anything and then, I was crying, biting my lip to keep the wails of anguish from pouring out of my mouth. I wanted to cry like a newborn baby as I saw every article of clothing I had crumpled up and spilling onto the dirty hallway floor, which I'm quite positive was covered in every kind of disease imaginable. Those were my boots in a heap next to the broken beer bottles, my little old couch nearly falling down the staircase. But the worst part of it all was that I knew I deserved it. For so long things had been going my way, I had begun to enjoy the little slice of mundane existence I had carved out for myself in these slums. It felt almost good to be reminded that no matter how much I lied to myself, I had come from nothing, would never be anything and no matter what, I shouldn't get too attached to anything because in this life, nothing was for certain. I had gotten too attached to an apartment that wasn't even mine and now I was paying the price. Wiping the tears from my eyes I yanked up anything that wasn't too heavy to carry, shoved it in three large duffle bags and promised to never come back. That miserable old bitch could keep the couch, the fridge, the bookcase, everything. I didn't need anything in this world but myself: it was the only thing that had never failed me.

Ten hours, three cups of sake and a bottle of Tequilla later, here I was still drowning myself in liquor as Nel tried to comfort me but there wasn't any reprieve for my anguish. Shunsui had thankfully given me the rest of the week off to collect myself when I showed back up at the bar red eyed and distraught. The freaked out look on his face told me that he was clearly having flashbacks of the first time we met or thinking that one of my 'boyfriends' had been smacking me around again. He rushed over like a mother hen, ready for war until he saw the bags I was carrying behind me and calmed down considerably. Nel was no better; she'd basically tossed the beers she was carrying at a table of guys, yanked Shuuhei over the bar counter by his arm and ran to my side as well. Despite all the fanfare for my well-being, the fact of the matter was nobody could help me. Shunsui gave me time off but that just meant I was getting less money. Worse yet, I couldn't stay with him either because his wife was pregnant and their son and his adopted daughter were already crammed into their little two bedroom house, meaning there was no room for strays like me. Nel had offered to let me stay with her but I declined knowing she was living in a tiny apartment, which was no bigger than a few feet, with her cousin Orihime. Besides, even though I was gay, all that bubbling femininity would drive me crazy eventually. Shuuhei couldn't help me either because his apartment building had a strict policy on visitors and watched like hawks to make sure nobody was housing more people than had been listed on the original contract. In other words, I was on my own, which wasn't surprising considering the fact that I'd basically been all on my own since I'd left home. At least this time there were people who even cared to offer their help.

Pouring myself another shot, I swayed slightly when I gulped it down. One thing about Tequila was it stung like a bitch on the way down but it never failed to improve my outlook on life. "Ahhhhh, shit that was good. Gimme another bottle Shuuhei!" I crowed, seeing as the one in my hand was almost finished, but he only shook his head with a glance at Nel.

"Shin-chan, I think you've had enougfh! You're gonna get sithck if you keep dthrinking like thifss!" Nel lisped in concern, reaching for the bottle as I snatched it back.

"Oh come on, don't deny me o' the only thing I got left in this world, ne?" I muttered darkly. "Besides, I ain't hurtin' nobody. I'll sleep better on the side o' the road if I'm drunk, wont I? The bums will think I'm one o' 'em."

Nel cringed, rocking precariously on the edge of her stool. "Don't talk like that Shin-chan. Isth'nt there somebody you could stay with justh for tonight. Or until we geth this sorted out?"

"Nope. Not one."

In my head I laughed as I thought of the last thing my mother said to me the night I left home.

"_Yer never gonna get anywhere in life yah dirty lil bastard! One day, I'll see yah at the side o' the road and I won't even stop ta give yah a penny 'cause yer nothing and yah never will be!"_

If only she knew how right she was, she'd be crowing with joy right now. It was eerie to think of the amount of foresight mothers had sometimes.

"Well, what abouth that guy you've been seeing, eh? Your friend….uh…uhhh…whaths his name again…Nnoithria?" She whined, seeming as frustrated as I was at the moment.

I sneered, my head flopping down onto the bar counter with a harsh thud. "I am not seein' him, we're just friends. And his name is Nnoitra. Nnoitra Jiruga… that bastard. I change mah mind, we're not even friends! That low life, self-centered motherfuc-" I trailed off as I muttered more obscenities and cursed him to the deepest pits of hell.

It had been seven days, six hours and 45 minutes since the last time I spoken to or even heard from Nnoitra. After our last outing where he so rudely kissed me, I swore not to call him until he called me first. But surprise, surprise… he hadn't bothered to call; not even once. At first I thought he had just genuinely forgotten by the time he was done with whatever it was he had scampered off to do that afternoon. But then the days rolled on and on, making it blaringly clear that he didn't intend to call me either. What he didn't know was that I could play the waiting game better than anybody else I knew and it would be a cold day in hell before I broke down and called him, let alone call him and ask for a place to stay. I knew what Nnoitra was playing at. If I called him first, it would be like admitting that I desperately missed him, which would only further prove his point that I wanted him; which I didn't. That egomaniac would be sitting by the phone forever if he was waiting to hear me come crawling back and beg him to take me because I just couldn't stand the wait any longer. Screw that. I had more important things going on in my life right now and a know-it-all drug addict was at the bottom of my list of things to do. He could sit on the back burner but if he took too long, I would forget him all together.

What was really bothering me were those dreams of me in Rukongai. They had come back with full force and were making my life a walking hell all over again. Something that had happened in the last few weeks had triggered my memories and now I was having those wretched flashback dreams about me, _him_ and that dark little basement in Rukongai almost every other night. It was driving me crazy, waking up in cold sweats and tears, my body exhausted from the start of the each day. I had to get him off my mind and I only knew two proven ways to do that: get drunk and get laid. Since I had already drunk more Tequila in an hour than should be legally acceptable, the only thing I had to do now was find a sucker looking for a good night and there were plenty of those at El Dorado.

"Yoooo," I slurred, leaning directly into Shuuhei's frowning face with a crooked grin. Before I threw myself into that see of scum behind me, I might as well make use of what was right in front my eyes and right now Shuuhei was looking pretty good. "How's 'bout yah and I go home just fer tonight, ne? I'm feelin' kinda…wound up and I was wonderin' if yah could help me work some o' this tension out…"

The laugh Shuuhei gave was appalling, making me frown in distaste. What was it with people turning me down recently? "No thanks Shinji. Clearly you're drunk if you're trying to sleep with me so I'm going to pass on this one."

Pouting at him with hazy eyes, I let our lips almost brush, pulling on his biceps slightly as I inched even closer. I could see Nel frowning at me in annoyance but by that point, I was far beyond caring. "Awww come on," I purred softly "I don't gotta be drunk ta make a pass at yah. Yer fuckin' hot Shuuhei! …Besides yah tryin' ta tell me yah never thought about us together even once?"

"Yes that is exactly what I'm saying" he sighed, peeling my fingers off him with a disappointed frown at my persistence. "I don't sleep with friends Shinji, which means even a pretty boy like you is off limits. Sorry."

"Then I officially end our friendship. Now, let's fuck!" My hormones were going into overdrive with every passing second and I fully intended to get laid tonight.

He just rolled his eyes, turning to Nel who was now scowling at me. "Wanna help me drag him to the staff room? He's piss drunk and I'd rather we do it while he's still conscious instead of out cold."

"I don't know," she huffed, folding her arms across her impossibly large breast that jiggled wildly in her skin-tight lavender tank top. "Are you thwo done flirting yeths?"

"I was not flirting with him." Shuuhei grumbled before yanking away another bottle of tequila that I'd snuck from behind the counter as they bickered. "Seriously, let's get him out of here before Kyoraku-sama finds out he's been drinking the bar's liquor like a camel in the desert. He'll dock our pay, you know."

Nel gasped, hopping off her stool to grab my arm violently at the thought of a possible lower shopping budget. "Ohh, he's right Shin-chan! Come lets geth you outta here," Tugging me off my stool as well she made to pull me further away from the bar as I wobbled on unsteady feet. "Ah, Shu, make sure you geth his othwer arm! He could throw up any minute and I'd rather not geth any on my shoeths!"

"Forget your shoes, be careful with him before he barfs on the bar! You know who'd have to clean that up if he blew chunks?"

Just as Shuuhei hopped the counter to help out, I snapped to attention, pulling myself from both their clamoring hands. "Oi!" I hissed, backing up slightly. "Don't talk about me like I ain't even here! I'm a big boy so the both o' yah just knock it off with treatin' me like some drunken loser! I know just what I want and when I want it and right now, if I want someone ta pound me senseless fer a couple o' hours , then so be it! Tonight, I'm gonna get laid, with o' without yer help, so if yuh'll excuse me I got some flirtin' ta do," With a flick of my hair over my shoulder, I brushed off my paisley pinstriped pants, hoisted my pink suspenders higher, my bright yellow shirt a lot higher to show my navel and shakily sauntered off.

Before either of them could move to catch me, I had seamlessly swerved my way into the crowd of slithering masses on the bar floor in hopes of finding some eligible entertainment for the night. Right now, I didn't really want some domineering asshole with control issues. No, tonight I needed to find a chump, someone who'd throw a couple more drinks down my throat - hoping to get me so drunk I couldn't see straight though it would never work - shamelessly flirt with me until I gave them the green light and then take me home and make me forget about every little thing that was plaguing me. In the morning I could worry about my battered life, homelessness, those fucked up dreams and even that asshole Nnoitra. Most of this was his fault anyway. Since I'd met him two weeks ago, I hadn't been fucked even once. I'd spent the first week of my time searching for him like a madman and the second waiting for his call. Well Nnoitra wouldn't be cock-blocking me tonight, no sir-e. Hell, he was probably out banging the back out of some chick in a drug induced haze right this minute! And here I was, stumbling around a bar full of men I hated, picking out a bed warmer from the lowest of the gene pool. What luck I had. Oh yes, it's official. God definitely hates me. But hey, when life gives you lemons, sometimes you had to squeeze that bitch out for all she was worth and make some damn lemonade.

Somewhere in the middle of my mental ramblings, I came to a stop to scan the tables like a hawk for my prey tonight. _There's a cute guy over there…nah he's kinda fat. Looks like he's wearin' a wedding band too. Go figure. _Veering to the right, I tried again. _How about…no, no he's already got some guy on his arm. And that dude looks like he just escaped from prison. Not thanks!_ In a knee-jerk decision, I spun around and decided to take my chances with the next guy I laid eyes on…and that when I saw him. There he was, a guy about 6 feet tall with shoulder length wavy black hair and incredibly dark eyes that vaguely reminded me of someone I couldn't remember at the moment. He had his face buried in a mug of beer and just as he slammed back the last few drops, I saw the flash off a metal ring on his lip. Bingo! He's the one. I just love a man with piercings… Not sparing a second more, I shook off that drowsy, wasted feeling tickling the back of my mind and strolled over to his table with purpose. Distantly I recognized muttered catcalls and a couple of guys that tried to pull on my arm but I shrugged them off and kept going until I bumped into the tall strangers' table with a little smile. As soon as I stopped, he looked up, a small inquisitive smirk forming on his face.

"Can I help youuuuu…..sweet stuff?" He slurred, head nearly knocking the back of his chair as he peered up at me while doing a poor job of discretely checking me out.

Ignoring his lack of finesse, I grinned back, leaning onto his table with my chin resting in my palms. "I don't know yet. It depends…"

"On…?" Sensing the obvious seduction in my voice he leaned closer as well with a gleam in his eye and I knew I had already snagged him.

"On if yer alone o' not. A hottie like yah can't be here by himself, ne?"

"Baby," he said in a husky voice, "I'm all yourrss for the n-night."

Gotcha, I cheered in my mind at the easy in, and then quickly moved in for the kill. "Oh, don't make promises yah can't keep. If yah say that, I might just try an' keep yah till sunrise and if yer good, one night might not be enough," Licking my lips slowly, I curled my tongue ring seductively across my teeth. "Can I sit?"

He grinned wider, shuffling over to make room for me - albeit he barely moved an inch so I was pressed tightly against his side. He cupped my chin and I shivered when his breath fanned over my lips softly. "What's your name sweetie?"

"Shinji."

"Well Shinji, I'm Yamato. You got a hot little mouth on you sweetheart," A hand curled up my thigh in a feathery light manner just as his other slid behind my neck. "I see you know how to work that tongue ring pretty well… but I wonder what other tricks you can do."

Anxious to get the flirting out of the way, I ran my fingers up his chest playfully, and then slid them to grasp his face, turning his head to expose his neck to me fully. My pants tightened painfully as I inhaled his sent of stale beer and sweet musk. It was such a familiar smell that brought back all kinds of memories but comforted me at the same time. I was in my element again. I knew what to do to this man to turn him into putty in my hands. This was no Nnoitra. Tonight, I was in control no matter what Yamato might think. "Baby," I whispered along his jaw, lips sliding along his neck until they danced across the ridge of his ear, "I can do just about anythin' yah can imagine…and more. So why don't yah take me home, and let me show yah just what else I can do."

The groan I got in response made me tense in anticipation. "Holy shit," Yamato mumbled, turning back to lustfully gaze into my eyes, fingers kneading my inner thigh roughly. A couple more inches and I'd be on the receiving end of a bona fide public hand job.

"So are yah gonna take me home 'o what Ya-ma-to?" I whispered, punctuating his name with little kisses to the side of his neck.

"Shit, yer a fuckin cocktease," Slapping my ass sharply, Yamato stood and yanked me up by the arm as well like a rag doll before I knew what was happening. "Come on, let's get the hell outta here."

Mission accomplished, I squealed in my mind "Yes sir!" I chirped, sloppily following him out of the booth and through the crowd of people with my hand clinging to his arm. "I thought we'd never leave," I moaned, tugging his head sideways for a hasty, sideways kiss to his lips that unsurprisingly made Yamato shudder.

"Shit, hold that thought." he grunted as he ushered me into the street. "I'm gonna get you home and fuck you till you're comatose."

Usually, I would have found the comment rather crude, but once again, tequila had brightened my personality and instead I giggled before falling out the door. Nothing more needed to be said as Yamato growled, completely into finding out who would be able to win this war of sexual prowess. Too bad for him I had years of practice so I already knew he would lose, but I'd have fun cracking him all the same. And two _traitors_ were gonna throw me into the staff room. Yeah right. Yamato had a tight grip on me as we whisked further away from El Dorado into the chilly Autumn night but the last thing I saw before we began stumbling down the street was Nel and Shuuhei's frowning faces peering after me from the barroom door; and for some reason I, for the first time that night, I felt something similar to a small twinge of guilt, but quickly I brushed it off as the beginnings of a hangover. There was no time for whiney musings. I was about to get laid and I wanted to be completely devoted to feeling every last thrust.

~l~

Somewhere between El Dorado and Yamato's apartment, I found myself pressed up against a brick wall with Yamato standing so close it almost felt like we were sharing the same layer of skin. My mind drifted hazily in and out of focus as his slick tongue wormed its way further inside my mouth; we'd been at this game of tongue twister for so long, I was beginning to feel a little light headed. However, I couldn't blame him for trying to smother me. I had provoked him by casually mentioning that I was double jointed and could lock my legs behind my head…but that had been over 30 minutes ago. By now, however, I was beginning to regret the comment entirely. As much as I wanted to fall into this strangers' bed, explore every inch of his body and get lost in the thrill of his touch, there was this horrible twinge in the pit of my stomach every time he made to move out of the alley. The copious amounts of tequila were falling away slowly, lifting the veil of recklessness from my eyes slightly and I couldn't help but feel I was doing something very wrong. The images of Nel and Shuuhei's disapproving faces danced hauntingly behind my lids every time I closed my eyes and though I was moaning each time Yamato ran his hands up chest, I couldn't help but feel slightly uncomfortable in my skin. The fact of the matter was, for the first time that I could remember, I didn't really want to do this. I felt as though I was breaking some sort of unspoken pact but for the life of me, I didn't know what it was. And then… I saw his face in my mind.

"Nnoitra…" Suddenly, Nnoitra's smiling face was surrounding me, taunting me, mocking me with those all-knowing, wise violet eyes. The thought alone made me feel cheap.

"…Wait Yamato…. Yamato, hold up a second…" I whispered into the darkness, fingers untangling from his thick hair as the disturbing feeling intensified.

"Mh," he grunted, yanking my lips back to his own.

For a moment, I was lost in the haze of his heated kiss. At least, I was before I heard the clang of a belt buckle resound loudly off the empty walls and something very hot and very naked press against my hand.

"I got someone here who wants to meet you," he growled with a grin that should have been lustful but now just made me feel sick.

From what I felt, Yamato was packing some serious business in his pants and I let a wistful sigh pass from my lips as I briefly contemplated letting him take me home. But then, Nnoitra's face was looming in my mind again and I nearly threw up.

"Yamato, we gotta stop, I jus-" The words weren't even half way out of my mouth before he swooped down on me again, tongue twirling about my tongue ring erratically. My body tightened painfully, burning to join him in his lustful game but I just couldn't.

I began to struggle, but apparently Yamato had forgotten about me: he barely seemed to know I was there even as I banged my fist against his chest and yelled muffled protest into his mouth. As much as I wanted to be mad at his blatant dismissal of my efforts, I couldn't do it. After all, it wasn't Yamato's fault I had gotten cold feet and decided to chicken out at the last minute. Just as I was about to swallow my fears and try to ride out this uncomfortable night, I could have sworn I'd seen Nnoitra's face coming down the black walkway. The idea was preposterous and highly unlikely but then, a leather covered body came into view and I saw the glow of a white bandana that I knew oh so well by now.

Struggling to shift around Yamato's body for a better view, I gently called out "Nnoi…? Nnoitra, is that you…?"

The words were no sooner out my mouth than I saw him put his hand on Yamato's shoulder, yank him right off of me and swing him around before the poor guy knew what was happening to him. The sudden lack of strong arms to hold me up left me flopping uselessly to the ground. However, I didn't have time to worry about that because of the echoing crack of Nnoitra's fist against Yamato's face. I just stood there in shock as he drunkenly tried to defend himself while Nnoitra rained blows on him with an incredible speed. Then I was on my feet, running to his side.

"Holy shit, what the hell 're yah doin Nnoi?"

"Stay back," Nnoitra barked.

" 'Re yah outta yer fricken mind? Let 'im go!"

Pushing my way between them before he could land another blow, I dropped to my knees, cradling Yamato's head. His eyes fluttered sporadically, and I prayed with everything I had this man didn't die in this alley all because Nnoitra went on a drug induced rampage.

"Yamato…Yamato, 're yah okay?"

Nnoitra grabbed my arm, whipping me around to face him. "What are yah doin? This guy just tried ta rape yah and yer fuckin coddlin' him?"

"Rape me? Shit, Nnoi," I exclaimed irritably. "Look me in the eye yah idiot. 'Re yah on somethin' right now? How was what yah just saw rape?"

"Are yah sayin' it wasn't?"

"No, yah moron, I was about ta get laid! O' at least, I was goin' ta and then…" I trailed off, sighing at the ridiculousness of this situation. "I am way too drunk ta be thinkin' this much right now."

Beneath me, Yamato grunted, eyeing us warily as though he expected to be clocked one more time. When it looked like there was no more threat, he shuffled away from me quickly, jerking himself to his feet with a sneer.

"What the fuck is this, huh? You never you told me you had a boyfriend."

"I don't have a boyfriend. He's nothin' but a friend."

"Well your friend just tried to break my face!" he hollered, spitting blood behind him as Nnoitra watched him calculatingly. "Next time you want to get fucked, warn people you got a personal body guard."

"Look, I'm really sorry about all o' this, please just-" Foolishly, I tried to grab his arm but he pushed me away harshly and I fell to the floor with a thud.

"Don't touch me you dirty slut! Shit, I shoulda known you'd be trouble the moment I saw you. I'm getting the fuck outta here." With that he stormed away, muttering curses as he went.

For several minutes, silence pierced my heart as Nnoitra stood there quietly beside me. Though he didn't say anything, I knew he was disgusted with me too. Repulsed by me because I was a dirty slut and I was so ashamed that he had to see me like this: disheveled, reeking of liquor and shivering in the chilly night air - I had forgotten my coat at El Dorado in my haste to leave with Yamato. Underneath his gaze, I felt so small and filthy. His hot eyes had roved my skin, saw all my weaknesses and now he had seen me in action. Nnoitra would never want me now because he had first-hand proof that I was nothing more than an easy lay. In that moment, the weight of my life crashed down upon my shoulders and I was crying into the palm of my hands. Sobbing wildly, my blood rushed in my ears, effectively blocking out the sound of Nnoitra's labored breathing as it neared; I didn't even know how close he'd gotten until his hands were on my face.

"Yo," he rumbled, tugging my fingers away from eyes as I stared up at him blearily. "Stop fuckin cryin'. I hate that shit."

"B-b-but-" I spluttered but he cut me off, wiping his fingers across my cheeks gently and sighed.

In a swift movement that I barely caught, Nnoitra pulled his heavy leather jacket off of his shoulders and wrapped it around my shivering form.

"Y-yah don't h-have ta-"

"Just shut up and take it b'fore I change mah mind," he said quietly.

I didn't protest; too weak and shamed to say anymore. As he dragged me to my feet, I buried my face in his side, huddled against a man I'd known less than a month but craved immensely. I needed to know, in a world that I was barely staying afloat in, that I could let myself pretend that Nnoitra was my lifeline, if only for just one night. We didn't say anything as we walked farther into the darkness of night. For that matter, I didn't even know where we were going. All that mattered was that I was warm and safe and I had Nnoitra's long arms wrapped around me, magically allowing me to hold myself together in more ways than one. By the time I peeled my eyes open enough to see where we were, Nnoitra had seated me on a bench, mumbling for me not to move and that he'd be right back. Which was funny, since I couldn't even sit up straight without his sturdy form beside me. I knew he hadn't gone too far as I could hear his voice faintly conversing with someone else above the familiar sound of rushing water.

"_Water…? Where the hell did he take me?" _

Peering out into the night, I made out railing about three feet away from me and I could hear water tumbling softly in a way that should have calmed me but only made me more anxious with its incessant thrumming. Just as I was about to foolishly yell for the river to shut the fuck up, Nnoitra returned, holding out a steaming cup of some sort of coffee for me. The image he made in his white wife beater, bandana wrapped around half his face and the white cup in his hand gave a ridiculous illusion to my own version of a knight-in-shining-armor. It didn't help that his leather jacket cocooned me in his scent completely. Naturally, I started blubbering like a baby all over again.

"Come the fuck on. What's the matter wit' yah now?" Nnoitra gaped in disbelief, placing the coffee in my hands as he slid next to me.

"I-I'm sorry. I don't really know mah self I just…I-I-" Mid-sentence I broke down again, burying my face in his side. "…Nnoitra."

Subconsciously I realized here I was, homeless and drunk at Karakura River at some ungodly hour of the night, making a complete fool of myself in front of the only man I genuinely found mesmerizing, but I couldn't stop crying. It was completely ridiculous. But it made me feel so good. I don't know how long he let me lean on him, wailing pathetically, but eventually the wave of emotions stopped crashing against my chest and I could breathe again.

Nnoitra was still, almost holding his breath. "Yah done?"

"…Yeah. I think so," Throwing him a soft smile that I know didn't reach my eyes I grabbed the drink next to us, taking a long deep gulp that burned in the best way.

"Thank god, I thought I was gonna have ta take yah ta the fuckin hospital." I could see him visibly relax in the dark, slouching with his legs sprawled in that obscene way of his, but his eyes were watching my face cautiously, as if waiting for another outburst.

"I'm…really sorry 'bout that. I didn't mean to freak out on yah. I'm usually not like that but…yah know…yer the first person I've cried in front o' fer along time."

The thought made me uneasy.

He grunted, stretching his hands onto the back of the bench casually. "I'm honored," he quipped sarcastically, looking straight out at the river away from my eyes. "If thats how yah cry, Imma make it mah civic duty ta make sure yah only do it in front o' me. Would scare a hardened criminal shitless."

I chuckled lightly, peering up at him before whispering gently, "But yah weren't scared. Yah stayed with me and yah didn't have to. Yah don't owe me anythin' Nnoi…why are yah bein' so nice?" He finally looked over at me and the fire burning in his eyes sent tingles down my spine.

"I don't know but… somethin's telling me I'll regret it ferever if I don't."

There was nothing I could do but take his answer at face value. We'd had this discussion enough times to know that we both had some weird pull towards each other. I had just hoped he'd been able to put a label on it since the last time I saw him. Apparently not.

"Yah never called me," I pointed out all of a sudden, instantly peeved again.

"Yah told me not ta."

"No I didn't, baka. Why would I tell yah not to call me?"

Nnoitra growled. "Because I fuckin kissed yah and yah freaked out and told me not ta call yah."

"No I didn't, yah idiot. I said I wouldn't call _you_." I hissed, annoyed at his selective memory.

"Same shit!"

"No it aint! Yah knew I was just messin' around. It's been over two weeks since I heard from yah and all of a sudden yah show up in a dark alley…what kinda friend are yah anyway?" I hissed again, getting flustered at the stupidity of our extended absence away from one another.

"Don't get yer panties in a bunch, Sunshine. How much did I really miss out on in two weeks? It's not like yer life changed much o' anythin'. We got plenty of time to be more…friendly." Nnoitra sneered, clearly expecting me to snap back but when I didn't he looked down with a furrowed brow. "Nuthin' happened, right?"

Looking away from him, I drudged up the image of my scattered furniture lining my apartment halls and nearly cried again. Instead, I smiled wryly just to save face.

"Well, I'm homeless now. That bitch o' a landlady kicked me out 'cause I ain't paid rent in o'er a month and I don't got a place ta stay. If yah hadn't come along and nearly broke his damn face, Yamato would a given me a bed fer the night but I guess that plans shot ta hell, now ain't it?"

"…I thought he was hurtin' yah." he quietly rumbled, eyes still boring into the side of my face.

"Ne, Yamato couldn't o' hurt me more than I already am. It don't matter, what's done is done." I sat quietly, reflecting on the words I'd just said but my breath caught in my throat as an arm suddenly enclosed around my shoulder, nearly bringing me straight into Nnoitra's lap.

"Nnoi…?"

A black cloud of satiny hair fell around us as Nnoitra brought his lips to mine and kissed me for the second time. I could feel the same heat between us that had flared up the first time he'd kissed me but the kiss itself was completely different this time. Instead of the raving, flirtatious passion that had nearly seared my skin, I felt… tenderness. Softly, he trailed his lips across my own, letting me feel the way his breath quivered across my chin. Our lips slid against one another and oh so gently, Nnoitra pried my lips apart with his tongue and then, I was melting. Somehow, I managed to drop the cup of scalding coffee without burning either of us and wrap my arms around his neck as he wound his long arms into the recesses of the leather jacket, molding us into one as I pressed against his body slowly. This level of tenderness was frightening to me, a whole new sensation I couldn't remember experiencing…because nobody had ever done it to me before. Coaxing my tongue out to meet his own, I felt electricity shoot from the tips of my toes to the base of my skull as Nnoitra pulled me closer, groaning when I bit down on his lip gently. As I stretched my neck higher to reach his own, I realized I had fully moved into his lap and that he was cradling me, almost protectively in his arms. My bravado snapped and pulled away from him instantly. It was all too much.

"W-w-what-"

"Stay with me." he ground out huskily, clearly turned on but still in control of this situation with that unfading clarity of his that always threw me off balance.

"What?"

"Yah need somewhere ta go and I got a place ta stay. Stay with me." he husked again and tried to pull me back in for another kiss but I dodged his lips quickly.

"Nnoi yah don't even know me! I'm just a dirty bartender yah met one night at a skeevy club in the slums and yer so… and I'm so…." I didn't know how to finish either description but words kept tumbling out of my mouth as I tried to run from the notion that he actually wanted me; that he wanted to care for me. "Yah have no idea who I am o' what I've done and yer just askin me ta-"

"Shut up Shinji." he whispered and I felt my blood run cold. I was hanging onto him for dear life and one wrong word would send me crashing down into a manic depressive spiral I didn't know that I could control.

"I don't know who yer tryin' ta convince more, me o' yerself, but it ain't workin'. No matter what yah say, yer not gonna convince me o' whatever it is yer tryin' ta convince me. Yah might play hard but I can tell that deep down, yer as beautiful and delicate as I think yah are. Yer hidin' the real Shinji in there somewhere and I'm gonna bring 'im outta yah if it's the last thing I do."

Breathing harshly, I tried to stop the hectic tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks if he said one more word.

"Please," I croaked, not knowing what I was begging for, but I knew Nnoitra would. "Pleaase, please, pleaaseeee…" I buried my face into the side of his neck and drew in shuddery breaths before I spoke again. "I don't know what ta do anymore. I don't know what I'm doin' but I'm runnin' without breaks and I just need-" I cut myself off, again, burrowing deeper in defeat. "Please Nnoi, please… just tell me what ta do and I will. I don't want ta feel like this no more."

Nnoitra didn't say another word, he just stood up slowly, placed me on my feet, took my hand and we started to walk away. My legs were wobbly with the notion that I had left a little piece of the old Shinji on that park bench tonight. Nnoitra was going to change my world forever, I'd known it since the moment I'd met him. The only question was, would I be able to survive it? Feebly, I grabbed his hand tighter and squeezed.

"Thank you Nnoi. Fer lettin' me stay with yah. Fer everythin'."

He peered down at me with his uncovered eye and I tried not to fall bonelessly into his arms at the emotion I saw brewing there.

"How much longer do yah need us to pretend to be friends?" he asked bluntly, throwing me for a loop once again.

I looked away but kept in line with him, feeling his warmth radiate through me and light my body aflame with a sense of awareness I'd cut off so long ago it was startling to feel it again. I was feeling everything and nothing, I was alive and I was dying, all at the same time. If I admitted that we were more than friends at this moment, I felt as though my knees would crumble. I couldn't do it. Not yet.

"One more night." I whispered, knowing he would hear my words in the still, quiet streets. "Let's keep it goin fer just one more night and then…then we'll see where this thing goes."

Nnoitra never answered me but from the way he wrapped his arm around my waist tightly, I could tell he was willing to wait; even it was a thousand nights or more. Things had gotten too far out of hand and it was useless to try and grapple for the reins and pull things back into the realm of friendship. However, just for tonight, I let myself pretend that everything was still resting in my hands, that I was in complete control of the situation; but truthfully, the only thing managing to hold the frail pieces of my life together was... Nnoitra.


	5. The Morning After

**Hello Everyone! I know its been forever since I updated but as promised, I got out a next chapter! Please dont think that this story will be abandoned. If anything, it will just be dormant for a long time. I'm sorry that I dont update more often but, you know how it is when you dont get the time =[ For all of you that stuck with me from the first chapter, a thousand kisses for you! And for all the new readers, welcome and I hope you stick around too! Anyway, here is chapter five of A Penny For Your Thoughts, entitled:**

_~~ The Morning After~~_

You know that panicky, headachy feeling you get when you wake up - still slightly drunk - with a burning hangover and you have no clue where you are but can vividly remember snippets of the night before? That draining feeling of trying to wake up and get the hell out of whoever's bed you're in as fast as possible but you cant cause your body feels like lead? Yeah, that was me right about now, but ten times worse because…well…I was naked. Naked in the biblical sense of birthday suit bare, save for a very lacey, scant pair of pale pink underwear. Now it wasn't the nudity that bothered me but the fact that I had _no fucking clue where or why my clothes had been taken off_. Which led to a barrage of questions my tequilla addled mind wasn't ready to process such as: "_When did I get naked? Did I willingly get naked? Do I remember doin anythin while naked? Why cant I feel mah legs? Where are mah car keys? Oh…right, I don't have a car…" _and so on. It didn't help that the room seemed to be vibrating and that I could feel my heartbeat in my fingertips. I could feel my heart rate climbing as I tried to make sense of the flashing of tequilla bottles, denim encase erections and wet kisses that flashed through my mind. Quickly, to quell the throbbing in my head, I took a couple deep breaths and closed my eyes as I tried to adjust to the sudden influx of sensations. With the impending panic attack fended off, I took another deep breath. Then, with a wrenching motion that took gale force strength, I jerked myself upright, dragging the satiny sheets beneath my fingers along with me. Hastily, I took inventory of my body. There were no hickeys, bruises, bite marks, scratches, scrapes, suspicious residues of bodily fluids or any other tell tale signs of sex that I could readily identify. My lips didn't feel sore or swollen, nor did any more of my more…delicate areas. So as far as I knew, I was good.

_Except for that smell…_

Sniffing, I picked up a sent that smelled like soap, potpourri and musk, which wasn't bad aside from the fact that it wasn't coming from the sheets…it was coming from me. And that was when I realized I felt eerily…clean. Like fresh from the shower, squeaky clean. A hand flew up to my hair, tangling in a damp mess.

"_Okay, I know fer damn sure I don't remember takin a fuckin shower!" _

Before I realized my legs were moving, I was scrambling out of bed, desperate to find my way to the nearest exit. I needed pants, shirts, socks, shoes, anything I could get my hands on and shuffle into before I had to face whoever it was I went home with. I never stayed until morning. Ever. Unless, of course, we were fucking until the break of dawn and even then I usually managed to skip out before anyone could even think of offering me breakfast in bed. _Too damn personal. Too damn intimate_. I stumbled over objects I didn't bother to identify as I tried to locate my clothes and cursed as I stubbed my toe. I need to get out of here fast. What if I couldn't detect any tell tale sex signs because we'd gone at it in the shower? It would be awkward trying to make it through breakfast when I didn't even remember the guy's name. I needed to get dressed, get some coffee in me and head home before…

I jerked to a stop, hands braced against a table as wave of sadness gripped me. A light bulb snapped on in my head as the earlier parts of yesterday came whizzing back to me. _"Oh. That's right…I don't have a 'home' anymore. Well, shit…"_ My knees threatened to give out as I began to remember the cause for my tequilla induced blackout. The couch in the staircase, my clothes tossed in a careless pile, the bleak emptiness of my apartment that had been uprooted, tossed about and gutted like a fish. I was fucking homeless. I was a nobody, a bum, a loser. Where was I rushing off too anyway? When I made it into the streets at God knows what hour it was, where the hell was I going to go anyway? Nowhere. I was aimless, pointless, deserted. No matter how fast I beat it out of here, I could never out run that fact. Depression slammed into me as I contemplated my predicament and I instantly wished I had more tequilla to dull the burn I felt in the pit of my stomach. But that hadn't done me much good, had it? In fact, even after all those shots, I still felt worse than ever.

"So yer awake."

I'm ashamed to admit that the shriek that ripped from my throat as I jumped in surprise resembled a combination of a frightened girl and a stuck pig. Nearly knocking my self over in surprise I whipped around at the sound of the deep voice, hands instantly clutching the sheets precariously tangled around my body tighter.

"N-Nnoitra…?" I squeaked breathlessly. My brain scrambled to process this new factor in the equation.

He smirked, peering at me curiously. "No shit. Who else would it be?"

"I-I…" I trailed off, head pounding as I put the pieces together and realized that I was apparently at Nnoitra's place. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to fill in the rest of the blanks about last night. There was booze, there was Nell and Shuhhei, then there was more booze, then a guy….an alley way and then- "Fuck, my head hurts," I muttered shakily, hand rising to massage my temples wearily.

"Hmm," he grunted, the sound making a warm feeling flutter in my belly. "It should. I think yah pounded enough shots ta put a elephant down."

"Yah meet me in the alley," I sighed, not bothering to open my eyes. Another grunt of agreement, but this time it was lined with amusement. He was laughing at me. "And then yah took me back to yer place, right?"

"Mmhmm," he seemed to purr, voice closer than before as he out right chuckled in enjoyment.

I frowned, eyes snapping open in annoyance. "Stop laughin yah prick! Where the fuck are mah-"

The words dried up on my tongue and my brain short circuited as I finally took in his appearance. He was topless, wearing only a yellow towel that draped dangerously low on his narrow hips. I nearly balked at the sight. His taunt, chiseled six pack was startlingly arousing enough on its own but the water that glistened like diamonds against his alabaster skin was the icing on the cake. His stomach rippled fluidly, my eyes riveting on the fine trail of dark dusky colored hairs that trailed from his belly button and down his pelvis before being cut off tauntingly by the towel. I knew I was staring, openly ogling him but I couldn't seem to look away. Everything about him was so long and beautiful, all arms and legs and bunching muscles. He was just too much. With the little bit of will power I had left, I tried to snap back to attention but then my eyes snagged on the black ink pasted against his upper left hip bone that I had never seen before. It was a gothic number 5 tattoo.

"Yo. Eyes up here Sunshine. I have a face too yah know," he rumbled and it shot straight to my groin.

Trying to play it off, I frowned. "Piss off, I wasn't lookin at yah."

"Bullshit." He was all teeth now, smile glinting off piano key teeth in the bright morning sun. I wanted to lick them from molar to molar. "Yer probably already hard from just starin at me."

"Bite me."

He walked deeper into the room, grinning as I stumbled, backing away from him until I was pressed up against a wall. He didn't stop though. I let out a small gasp as he closed the distance between us, bracing his hands above me on the wall as he loomed over me.

"That can be arranged."

"Nnoi, back off. Yer-"

My words cut short as he leaned in, breath fanning my face softly. "Yer really rude in the mornings, yah know that?" I was at a loss for words as his other hand ghosted up my side and I was suddenly very aware that we were both practically naked. My heart sped out of control.

"Nnoi…where are mah clothes?"

Both hands rested on my hips now, kneading them gently. "There around here, somewhere."

"I need 'em."

"Fer what?" he muttered, lips hovering above mine.

I clenched my fist tightly, gripping the sheets closer to me as I turned my face quickly. Although from the very begging all I'd wanted from Nnoitra was to fuck him, this didn't feel right. This wasn't how I wanted it to happen. I didn't want it to be one drunk night were I was so smashed I couldn't remember what we did. I wasn't in control of anything _and it was freaking me out. _"Obviously, ta not be naked, baka."

"Yah didn't seem ta mind it so much last night."

My head snapped back towards him, heart lurching into my throat. "Wait a minute, did we-"

I was cut off again at the chuckle I felt against my cheek. Then there was stifled laughter. Before I knew it Nnoitra was doubled over at the waist, laughing like a maniac. I was more than confused. That quickly morphed into enraged as his laughter continued to increase in volume.

"What the fuck are yah laughin at, yah baboon's ass! I was askin yah a serious question and…Hey! HEY!"

He cackled again, pulling himself to his full height before ruffling my hair with a grin. "Calm the fuck down Sunshine, we didn't fuck last night. I was just pullin yer leg. But you should have seen yer fuckin face. Looked like yah swallowed a lemon." Turning away from me dismissively, Nnoitra walked over to a nearby dresser, rifling around for what I hoped were clothes.

For a minute I stood there trying to process what had just happened. My hangover urged me to be calm but the cranky, depressed, pissed off Shiinji had other ideas. Gritting my teeth, I tried to count to five and calm down. It didn't work.

"Yah stupid fuck, that wasn't funny! Do yah have any idea how freaked out I was just now, I thought I was goin ta have a damn heart attack, yah idiot!"

He snorted, throwing a smirk at me over his shoulder. "Aw, come off it. That was fuckin hilarious and yah know it. Shit, wish I had a camera. That expression was priceless."

I was about to storm over to him and pummel his face when a sudden flick of his wrist was all the warning I got before I saw the yellow towel flutter to the floor carelessly. I squeaked and whipped around, hands flying to my eyes. "Hey, gimme a lil warnin before yah start strippin, will yah?"

"Why?"

"Because….'cause…." Wait a minute, why wasn't I lookin again? I turned back quickly, hoping to catch a peek of something, but he was already pulling up dark blue jeans over his black boxers, grinning like an ass. At least he was still topless.

"Yer so predictable Shinji. I bet yah'd blow me right now if yah could get on yer knees without fallin over."

"Shut up!" I snarled, stomping my foot, but then my headache decided to make its presence known again. Unable to stay upright anymore, I sighed, sliding down to the floor with a thump. "Yer such a dick. Just wait till I get rid of this headache, I'm gonna kick yer ass."

Pungent smoke wafted towards me as he pulled something hand rolled out of a tin box on his dresser and lit it. "Don't be pissed at me cause yah got a hangover. Maybe this'll teach yah not to go around gettin drunk off yer ass." Smoke blew out of his nose, blurring his face. I wondered if he knew how sexy he looked at the moment, if he was doing it on purpose.

_Not likely_, I thought to myself. _What would be the point o' turnin me on now when I could barely stand straight?_ I let a moment of silence pass as the room got thick with smoke and I tried not to barf at the smell with my eyes closed. I could still feel him smirking at me from across the room. "So…we definitely didn't sleep together… right?"

"Yah really don't remember?"

I shook my head no with a sigh. "Nuh uh. I cant remember past gettin in the front door. After that, its all a blur. I know yah said something, then I said something, then yah started takin off mah shoes… but fer the life o' me I cant remember the rest of the night."

I glanced over at him to find him looking at me with a deep quiet thoughtfulness, like he was trying to find the right words.

"What?"

He got up, jeans sagging on his hip as he walked, gesturing for me to slide over before he slumped on the floor next to me. His bare arm grazed mine on the way down and I had to resist the urge to run my hand down his side. Opaque smoke rings floated up to the ceiling and we sat in silence for another minute. Subconsciously, I pulled the sheets closer again.

"Yer a fuckin mess Sunshine."

"…What the hell is that supposed mean?"

"It means," he uttered calmly, turning to me as he licked his lip absent mindedly, making me shiver slightly, "That there was no fuckin last night. I brought yah home, took off yer shoes and put yah to bed. Yah were too wasted to even walk straight."

My head sagged against the wall. "Thank god I didn't do anythin stupid. Its embarrassin enough that yah found me like that in the alley."

"Nothin to be embarrassed about. Yah got drunk and went lookin fer an empty fuck." I cringed at the way he said it. It made me seem like…such a slut.

"So wait a minute. If we didn't sleep together, why the hell am I naked?"

He chuckled, dragging in another lungful of smoke. Squinting slightly, he let out a stream that wafted over me like a veil. I was beginning to feel slightly light headed but I refused to say anything and have him stop. It felt like I was getting a peek into the private world that was Nnoitra Jiruga and I'd be damned if it was cut short because I was getting a little buzzed.

" 'Cause yah puked all over yerself _and_ my bathroom about 30 minutes after we got home."

"Oh fuck, please tell me yer messin with me again…"

"Wish I was. I couldn't let yah sleep it off in yer own puke so I stripped yah down and hosed yah off in the shower."

Burying my face in my hands, I groaned, finally too ashamed to even be seen anymore. "I am _so_ sorry. First I cry all over yah like a blubberin idiot then I barf all over yer apartment."

"Don't worry about it, its not that big a deal. Besides," He trailed off thoughtfully, "I was kinda wonderin what color panties yah were wearin anyway. Gave me an excuse to take a peek."

Although I couldn't recall the last time I had blushed so much in one month, I seemed to be doing it a lot more since I met Nnoitra. "Glad I could help yah out."

"Yah look good in pink, by the way."

"Please shut up."

So smoothly I didn't even realize he'd moved, the hand he had resting on my head bunched in my hair, pulling my face out of my palms and brought my lips to his. He had moved before I could even protest and by the time I had enough wits to do just that, I wasn't sure I wanted to anymore. His lips tasted rich, full of smoke and heat and a savory tang that was distinctly Nnoitra in essence. I couldn't tell if it was the weed or my hangover but everything seemed to pulsate, tremble for a second before absolutely stilling and the only thing I could feel moving were our bodies. As he ran a hand through the back of my hair, it held tight, pressing our lips so close I had to open them or have them shredded against his own. Nnoitra didn't have to do much more to get me to gasp, his tongue delving into my mouth slowly as though it has a definite purpose and one wrong move could spoil it all. And truthfully, it could. I didn't know if I wanted to wriggle away from him in fear or throw my carefully crafted control to the wind and just let go. I settled for keeping one hand clenched in the sheets around me and letting the other stray to rest on his shoulder. The way his muscles bunched under my fingers urged me to grip them tighter, to make sure this was real, that _he_ was real. He nipped at my bottom lip, dragging me nearly into his lap with his left arm while the other stayed out of reach, blunt burning like incense next to us. It wasn't until he reach over and dropped it into an ashtray behind him to grab me with both hands that I realized how far I'd let things go.

"A-a-ah…Nnoi…wait a minu-"

The words were lost as his lips claimed mine again, roughly this time. I pressed against his chest, trying to create some space between us but he ignored my attempts, sucking on my tongue viciously. I moaned around the appendage, twisting my face away but he only tipped my head back, attaching my neck with skill. A long tongue swept along my jaw line, making me mewl as it curled around my earlobe. I thought I was going to explode, but then I felt his had tugging at the sheets. I froze. Nnoitra stopped as well, feeling me suddenly go stiff. I couldn't see his face but I knew he was waiting for my next move. Time seemed to tick by slowly and when I did nothing, he tugged again, this time with a determined hand. The sheet wrenched down, bunching around my waist and he moved back to my lips. It was the chill of the room against my bare chest that snapped me into action.

My hands shot out to grab his wrist, one pressing against his chest forcefully this time. "Wait, stop! W-we cant do this!"

His eye pulsed a hot violet color, making my stomach quiver at its intensity. "Why not?"

"Because… we just cant. _I_ cant…"

"Why?" He asked again, a hand sliding to press mine firmly against his hot chest, heart pumping steadily beneath the solid flesh. My palm seemed to become a part of him. I couldn't pull my hand away even if I wanted to.

"Nnoi…" I closed my eyes, biting my lip nervously. "I changed mah mind. We definitely need ta be friends, nothin else. I cant do this with yah. I know exactly where this is goin and imma tell yah right now, no good can come of it. This, this _thing_ that yer offerin me wont work."

"Because yah don't want it to work."

"No because I _know_ it wont. I'm not the guy yer lookin fer. Yer tryin to turn me into somethin I'm not. I get drunk, I fuck random guys. I stay out late. I don't keep mah promises. I'm restless and I cant stay in one place fer too long. I cheat. I've got more issues than I have enough time to tell yah about. I'm _trouble_."

Nnoitra looked un-phased, completely undeterred by my confession and frankly, a little bored. "I guarantee I've gotten into - let alone created- more trouble in one day than yuh've ever seen in yer life. I think yer forgettin that I'm not such a nice guy Shinji. If I can shoot a guy at point blank range and not even flinch, I think I can handle yah."

Unsure of how to deal with that new bit of information I didn't say anything at all. I just stared, wishing I could give him this desirable Shinji he was looking for and restraining my fingers from fixing the sloping bandana that still covered his left eye. Once again, he took my silence as confirmation and dipped his head, catching my lips in a chaste embrace. I groaned lightly, completely ready to push him away until he pressed his chest against mine, creating such a delicious friction I thought I would cry. Of their own accord my fingers wound into his hair, grinding us against one another with bruising force. He returned the favor, hefting me up slightly by the armpits to his height. I swiveled my tongue against the roof of his mouth, relishing in the vibration of my tongue ring against his strong teeth. There were sparks, flames, fire, lightning, intoxication…danger. Before I knew it, he had hoisted me up, my legs instantly locking around his waist for purchase as he stood, stalking over to the bed, the sheets left behind and forgotten. It was when I felt his large hot hands grasping my bare ass cheeks daringly that I froze again. We tumbled onto the bed and I could feel that he was trying to keep me from choking up again, squeezing my ass again gently but it was too late. On the bed, beneath him, clinging onto him for dear life it became painfully clear that I was not now nor would I ever be in control of this thing between us. He firmly held the reins. I wretched my face away again, pushing at him with all my strength but he barely budged.

"No! No, no no no…we cant!"

"Shinji-"

"I cant do this, I just cant. Yer messin everything up, cant yah see that? We have ta-"

Nnoitra growled, yanking my chin to face him. "Shinji. What the hell are yah so scared of?"

His anger took me off guard and I let the first words that came to mind jump out of my mouth in a gush of breath. "_You_. Everythin that yah are, everythin that yah represent…I have no control over any of it and it _scares the shit out o' me_."

For a minute, we just looked at each other in silence. I regretted the words once they had left my mouth but it was too late to take it back. A dark, calculating look came over Nnoitra's face and I wondered if he would kiss me again. There was such a bittersweet feeling rumbling inside of me that wanted him to ignore everything I'd just said and show me all the things he had to offer but at the same time would fight tooth and nail just to be on the opposite side of the room right now. I wanted everything. I wanted nothing. I wanted things from him I shouldn't even dare to hope for and at the same time I didn't want him at all. I wanted to be led but I was so scared I needed to lead. But most of all, I wanted some room to just _breathe_. I couldn't think with him this close, his smooth skin radiating so much heat down on me that I wanted to melt. _I wanted to melt into him_. Lost in my own musings, I jerked when he closed his big warm hands around my waist tightly, burying his face in my neck as he breathed deeply. I waited for his next move. Then, he laughed. Hard.

"Like I said," Nnoitra sighed, pulling back to stare at me with a look I couldn't read. "Yer a fuckin mess."

Without another word he was off of me, shuffling back over to the dresser to pull out a dark yellow v-neck hoodie and wife beater that he slipped on with ease. I stared blankly after him, trying to pull myself together but ending up feeling more scattered than before. Carefully, I eased off of the bed, stopping to scoop up the sheets and tug them around myself once again. But this time, they didn't feel like a safe, warm cocoon. They felt nearly brittle against my skin, stuffy and were more of a restraint that a protective cloak. Nnoitra strutted past me, retrieving his blunt and lighting it again before stopping to look down at me in appraisal. I couldn't meet his eyes.

"Come on, lets get yah dressed. We got places to go," he rumbled, walking away with a purposeful gait.

The sheets rustled behind me as I stumbled along, absentmindedly taking in the fact that everything in the apartment seemed to be …white. Immaculately white, pristine in color and incredibly bright. How he kept this stuff clean was beyond me.

"W-where are we goin?"

"To get yer shit. Yah do need at least another pair of clothes if yer gonna be stayin here."

A frown etched its way onto my face as I recalled our deal from last night. He turned into a small back room that had a washer and a dryer with my clothes neatly folded on top. Nnoitra handed me the bundle, bracing against the dryer as he continued to smoke, watching me as I considered leaving the room. I wasn't too sure I wanted to change in front of him.

I sighed, realizing he wouldn't be offering any privacy willingly. "Can yah at least turn around?"

He seemed to consider it for a second. "No." I guess he hadn't considered it much after all.

"I'm…I'm not too comfortable with bein naked in front of guys I'm not sleepin with. It's weird. And uncomfortable."

"First of all," he exhaled, smoke streaming out of his nostrils, making him seem like an angry bull, "Yah don't have anything I havent seen already. And yer puttin on yer clothes not takin them off. Second, yer gonna sleep with me eventually. Yah might as well get used to it now."

"You arrogant dick, who says I'm gonnna-"

"Lay off it Shinji. Yer pissin me off and ruinin my high."

Anger boiled inside of me at the way he ordered me around. It made something that I didn't want to feel stir inside of me as well as bring back many unpleasant memories. Where did he get off bossing me around like I was his bitch or something? I'd spent too long being my own boss, I wasn't going to bend now. Besides, there was a glimmer in his eye that seemed to be challenging me. It was like he was daring me to contradict him and I never backed down from a challenge. At the rate he was going, he'd be lucky to even dream about kissing me again. Not that I wanted him to or anything. With a growl I snatched on my clothes quickly, pretending I didn't see the way Nnoitra was leer at me as I wriggled into my skintight pants, and pulled on the shirt before turning on my heels and stalking out the room. I ignored the way he trailed behind me closely, smoke billowing around the both of us like a cloud. I was more concerned with finding the living room. I wanted to get my shoes on and get some fresh air before I either had a nervous break down or broke his face. As I stomped up the hall, my pace slowed when I realized what a long walk it was. Glancing around, I realized there we're two doors on either side of the wall, each seeming to lead into another room spacious room. Another open space that I assumed to be the living room loomed ahead of us, filtering bright white light down the hall. It was when I turned into the room that I realized…his apartment was fucking _amazing_. Plush white couch over a foreign looking black rug, metal coffee table with a glass top that sat across from a large flat screen T.V. and a stereo that looked more expensive than everything I owned combined. As I floundered for the right way to express my awe, Nnoitra sauntered past me, pushing his heavy leather jacket into my hands and nodding to my shoes by the door. I slipped into them, shooting another glance behind me before grudgingly shrugging into the jacket and following him out the door. It slammed shut behind us as we left, ushering us into the dead quiet hallway. Nothing out here looked nearly as fancy as the stuff inside his apartment, however. It looked relatively normal, like any other shitty apartment building in the ghetto. Boring wood floors, doors with chipping paint, musty hallway with a relatively aged banister and the slight scent of piss. Walking out of his place was like walking out of a very white cloud back into reality. Which could only mean he'd spent a lot of money making his place look that good. He'd managed to create a penthouse suite paradise out of a rotten hole in the wall. I didn't know hoe I felt about that.

"So…when were yah gonna mention yah were loaded?"

He glanced down at me, dragging on the last of his cigarette before stubbing it out on the wall and flicking it away. "Didn't know it mattered."

"Well it doesn't really," I huffed, running a hand through my hair, regretting I hadn't thought to comb it before we left. "Its just another interestin fact ta add ta the 'illogical shit that Nnoitra has or does but doesn't explain' list. I'll need ta have all mah evidence straight before I start askin questions." I looked up at him, to see him staring ahead with an expressionless mask. "And I will ask questions. Eventually."

He ran a hand over his face, eye drooping in the wake of his morning high. "Be careful with those questions Sunshine. Fer each one yah got I've got one o' mah own fer yah too. Don't ask until yer ready to answer yer own too."

Biting my lip, I said nothing else, a fearful feeling gnawing at my stomach. There were definitely questions I didn't want to come up in conversation but knowing Nnoitra, they most likely would. He held no punches when it came to assessing me. There was a bluntness behind his words I had grown rather fond of. It was way easier to deal with someone when you straight up front what they wanted. But I still didn't want to talk about me. I was a topic that was best left untouched, both literally _and_ figuratively. As if hearing my thoughts, I felt Nnoitra's hand rise to rest on my lower back protectively. I had to control the shiver that wanted to rip through me. Blinking up at him, I tried once again to talk some sense into him.

"Yer just glutton fer punishment arent yah?" The words had sounded so much nicer in my head but out loud it sounded like a fight. But he only grunted, pulling me closer as we trudged out into the new day. I wanted to squirm away, but I just couldn't do it. Instead, I sighed, wondering how bad the rest of this day could really be. After all, it was the mornings after that were always the worst.

**Please give me any feedback or comments you have on the chapter and as always, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW =] Ciao!**


End file.
